That religion thing...

My husband and I are in an interfaith marriage. That is to say, I was raised Jewish and he was raised Christian. I went through many of the traditions of Judaism and I even enjoyed some of them. My bat mitzvah was a wonderful event. Once it was over, however, I chose to cease my religious studies and didn’t reconnect with organized religion until my college years. My husband, well... Let’s just say he’s anti-religion.

Faith, however, is a different subject entirely. There is a grand assumption that faith and organized religion are inherently connected. I disagree. In my opinion, attending a service in a religious building does not necessarily give you faith. Alternatively, a lack of presence of organized religion does not mean that an individual lacks faith. In my humble opinion, the two exist independent of each other, with the possibility of coexistence.

I am a prime example of strong faith with little desire for organized religion. I have always had faith, a generalized sense of certainty that everything would eventually work out, either by my good choices or some form of outside intervention. When I was pregnant with my twins, I found myself in a state of serenity and happiness. A little back ache? No worries… came with the territory. I was having my babies. My feet a bit swollen? Who cares? My babies were healthy. I was unwilling to complain. I simply KNEW that it would all end well. And it did. (Well… despite a few bumps, a significantly early arrival and an extended NICU stay…)

My husband fell victim to the wealth of the internet, looking up every problem that can occur in a twin pregnancy. Unbeknownst to me, he spent the entire pregnancy in a mild to medium state of concern, never quite resting happily in the low grade stress of anticipating your children.

I sometime wonder if those with faith handle stress and distress more effectively. If you feel certain that all will end well, it’s easier to relax.

Growing up, I found myself drawn to religious environments, even if I wasn’t fully dedicated to the complete message being delivered. I spent 2 years in a private high school, and we attended chapel a few times a week. The chapel itself was a beautiful room, with gorgeous stained glass windows, well situated for ideal flow of sunlight. Cloudy days were hypnotic, with a wonderful “fuzzy light” filtering through the shadows of the room. The “sermons” discussed friendship and community, and were rarely pure religion. Being a music person, I loved the hymns. They FELT good to sing.

When I have traveled overseas, visiting cathedrals was always a favorite activity.

When I became a staff member at a Jewish camp, years later, I expected to tolerate the daily morning service and other religious elements during the daily routine. In reality, I loved it. They were kid led, so they were down to earth and grounded to real life. Kids don’t do lofty or arrogant. It’s awesome.

The best, however, was the dancing. The dining hall (on rainy days) or the basketball court (on nice days) became a dance arena for Israeli dancing. And wow, was it a party. I had never seen religious music have that effect on a room. Being a dancer, I was in heaven.  

My children started preschool this fall and we enrolled them in a Jewish preschool. We didn’t actively search out a Jewish school, or even a religious school, but we found ourselves there when we researched the schools that were in our price range with our interests. Our second choice was a church preschool and it was second choice because it was a very new program, less well established.  Being a teacher, I wanted a well established learning environment for my children. Overall, we found that religious preschools were more spiritual, took more opportunities to teach core values. That was important to us.

So what does that mean?

I’m not entirely certain, to be totally honest. At the moment, we are content to raise our kids on family holidays (because the family is the focus) and give the preschool a chance to infuse some religious values into our kids. In the future? Who knows? I look forward to seeing how it unfolds, with complete faith that it will turn out well, the way it is supposed to.