Parenting articles
are all over the place. Some of them are “how to” focused, with topics varying
from “how to make a dinner your kids will eat”, “how to talk to your child
about death”, or “how to potty train your kid in 1 weekend”. And everything in
between. There are millions of articles about discipline, with the advice
varying, depending on the perspective of the author or publication.
The area of
parenting articles that receives so little attention, however, is the area that
allows for the venting of frustration. Sure, discipline based articles will
include some neutral statement like “while this behavior may be frustrating for
the parents/caretakers, it is developmentally normal.” And I have to tell you;
the fact that such statements are technically correct does not alter the fact
that they fill me with the desire to smack the author on particularly difficult
days. Clearly, he/she does not have kids. Or maybe they simply don’t have the responsibility
of dealing with said child during the event in question. Or the children they
handle are not their own, so they get to go home and reboot their system before
the next day.
He/she was NOT the
one who spent 10 minutes unsuccessfully trying to convince/force the
hypothetical child to sit in their car seat and buckle their seat belt, so that
they wouldn’t be late for wherever they were headed. (Not like they got to go
to the next location anyway, with the kid(s) in that mood…) He/she was NOT the
one who had to haul a 36 pound toddler/preschooler around a mall (with a
strained back) because they didn’t feel like walking. And he/she was REALLY NOT
the one who has to deal with a hungry child, after following the advice of the
professional who decided that “take it or leave it” should be the motto of meal
time for a difficult eater.
I’m sure that
professional could advise away about the right way to handle the above
situations, could articulately discuss the need to stay calm, despite other
yearnings. To be consistent and not give in. But that’s just talk. It’s theory.
And while it may be intellectually on target, it ignores one essential
component of the equation.
Mom is not an
impartial observer to the process. He/she is the lifelong parent of the child
and inherently emotionally involved. At least I hope they are. And taking care
of that child is not their only job. A stay at home mom doesn’t just take care
of the kids all day. She has to do the laundry, and make the meals, and clean
up the kitchen after meals are done. She has to entertain the kids and food
shop. And make doctors appointments. And be available at home for deliveries.
And clean the house. And change the sheets. And interrupt shopping trips to
take kids potty, rushing because “they REALLY need to go”. And organize the “life/home”
calendar. And drive kids to their activities. And help kids with homework.
A “working” mom
has the same list of responsibilities, except her days are not spent attempting
to accomplish said tasks, as she is at her “real job”. So, she either has to
squeeze them into the remaining hours of the day, or enlist the help of others
in the house.
And somewhere in
that mix, she’s supposed to be taking care of herself? Right… It’s like
Cinderella being able to go to the Ball if she finishes all her chores and has
something to wear. Uh huh…
I recently saw an
article online that was entitled “I love my children, but…” and real women
filled in the rest of the statement, venting about how their children drive
them insane. I laughed so hard, it was embarrassing. Not because it was
actually funny, but because it was just such a relief to hear other women say
what was in my head.
And I wonder. I
really wonder WHY we moms are always so resistant to admitting that while we
love our children unconditionally, we don’t always like them. And we don’t
always want them around. Sometimes we want them as far away from us as
possible. In a safe place, mind you… surrounded by people who care for them and
hug them. But far, far away. Just for a while. And then we want them back. Once
we’ve had a chance to recharge a little, get a few things done. Or maybe get
nothing done but sit and look at the trees while we drink a quiet cup of
coffee.
I’ll admit it. Will
you?
Are we really so
hardwired to be the best mom in the world, that we forget how to be a person?
Or is it just me?
My mom said to me, on more than one occasion, "I love you, but I don't like you very much right now." I was being a pain in the a$$, and I am glad she said it to me (I was older than your kids, though, when she said it out loud to me. I am positive she thought it more times than she could count). Just like it's a bit of a fiction that a person never has any strife with their partner, and that just because you love them that means you never kind of want to throttle them... Kids are always lovable, but at times they can be not likable, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteErika