Real life forgiveness...

My daughter threw a monster tantrum tonight. Monster. When we announced it was bedtime, she spent 10 minutes screaming at the top of her lungs, “It’s not night. It’s never gonna be night. It’s day! I’m not tired!”

Uh, yeah. I can hear how NOT TIRED you are. Sigh. I hope the neighbors didn’t hear too much. The windows were open with the beautiful weather. 

As I tucked her sweaty little four year old body into her Hello Kitty bed, 15 minutes later, I looked into her beautiful little face. Those big, beautiful eyes. The pouty little lips. The flaring nostrils. Those soft cheeks, red from exertion. Her little chest rising and falling rapidly in a frantic body.

Nobody should go to sleep in that state. It made my heart hurt. 

And suddenly, I started to talk, the words flowing from my heart. 

“Honey. You know what’s magical about mommies and their babies? That we ALWAYS love each other. Even when we’re mad at each other. Even when we’re REALLY mad at each other. We ALWAYS love each other. And we ALWAYS want to see each other in the morning. “

I planted a kiss on her forehead and smiled gently at her. She looked directly into my eyes, smiled back. Her eyes twinkled once again, and she began to say something silly. I kissed her again, turned out the light and closed the door. She went to sleep peacefully, snuggled with a soft friend.  I went downstairs to watch some adult TV. 

Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New year, just passed. Much like the New Year’s celebrations of many cultures around the world, it’s about new beginnings. Introspection. Forgiveness. Redemption. It’s about looking into your past year with a willingness to see with honest eyes. A willingness to apologize and attempt to create change.  A sincere desire to live a better life. 

I don’t know if a four year old can process that, but I do know one thing. As she drifted off to sleep tonight, my daughter was not worrying about tomorrow. She wasn’t questioning how much she was loved. And she probably was sorry that she had caused such a scene, but wasn’t quite mature enough to verbalize it. 

And that’s ok, because she’s just a kid. And we love each other. And tomorrow is a new day. 

Happy New Year.