All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten...

My children are in Kindergarten. This means that they are (finally) in school all day, allowing all of us to begin that time in our lives when our days aren’t spent entirely together. That time in life when I am not the main source of information for them. That time of life when I begin to lose touch with what they are seeing and hearing for 7 hours every day. 

Yes, I know. This is only the beginning. 

I was ready for this. By the time that school bus came to pick them up for the first time, I had been worn down. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. It’s just that spending all day with them, every day, was not ideal for me or them. We were getting tired of each other. They were craving more independence from me, and I from them. We needed each other to “go away” so that we could miss each other and appreciate each other upon return. I suspect that I am not the only mom who feels that way, although many struggle to admit it out loud. There’s a stigma that admitting such feelings makes you guilty of loving your kids less, even though that is simply not true.

We hit the teacher jackpots, with both teachers. They are quite different from each other, both the teachers and my kids, and it seems that some “all knowing” intervention put them each where they needed to be. My son’s teacher is older, quieter, and calmer. She has been doing this for years and she meets my son’s need for absolute structure and reliability. She is warm and loving, infinitely patient and careful with her words. My daughter’s teacher is lively and young, more “fun”. She walks with a dance in her step and I can imagine that she is prone to laughing out loud when something is funny. Her classroom management strategies involve singing and movement, artful distraction. When one of her students became uncooperative, she set her other students to a productive task and then gently coaxed the child to cooperation. They held hands gently on the way to recess. Now that I have had the opportunity to volunteer in both classrooms, I can see how successful both teachers are, albeit with very different approaches.

 As I am not back to work full time yet, I have been volunteering in the school. It’s been very educational. They are learning about letters and numbers, how to follow directions and how to put their knowledge to work. They are also learning to be citizens. They are learning to share tables and supplies, and how to wait their turn with their bodies and voices. 

They are learning how to live in the world and make it a better place. 

My husband would tease me at this point, as he likes to tease me about how anti-competitive I am. He’s right. I am anti-competitive.  Back in April, I  attended a “kindergarten readiness” session, offered by the county.  I figured it would help to go into the summer informed, so that we could all be prepared for the upcoming details. I suppose the session met the needs of some parents but it wasn’t quite what I envisioned. Perhaps this is due to the fact that I’m a teacher, or perhaps it’s due to the fact that my kids have already been part of the public school system. The information session included the logistics of registration, but it also focused on “kindergarten readiness”, with a huge focus on academics and curriculum. I involuntarily glanced down at my phone a few times, as the picture of my kids that is my screen background. Was academic really the main focus for my kids, still so very little? 

 I understand that others see the race, but I do not. My view is not about a glorious finish line; it’s about finding the next bend in the wood and picking a path. Sometimes I find myself calmly admiring the view while making this decision, and sometime it makes me feel nervous and panicky. Regardless, my figurative view does not include a big red banner and a restart. It’s much more fluid.  I stopped perceiving this as good or bad a long time ago, it simply IS the way I think. As it works for me, I make no real efforts to modify it.

Back when I read for pleasure more frequently, I loved reading Robert Fulghum. I probably have a post or two about him in my past. I’m not sure how old he is, but he would feel completely at home with a hippie commune. He lets his grass grow long and daydreams about the beauty and complexity of life. He perseverates on the “simple things” that are not actually simple.  

One of his most famous works is “All I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN”.

"All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten"

By Robert Fulghum

Most of what I really need
To know about how to live
And what to do and how to be
I learned in kindergarten.
Wisdom was not at the top
Of the graduate school mountain,
But there in the sandpile at Sunday school.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life -
Learn some and think some
And draw and paint and sing and dance
And play and work everyday some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world,
Watch out for traffic,
Hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.

I love this poem from the depths of my soul, because I do truly believe that it’s all completely and totally right. What makes me even happier is that I perceive my children to be learning exactly that in Kindergarten this year. Of course, they are learning numbers and letters, and that’s important. Being an academically educated person is quite important for long range life success. But so is manners, waiting your turn and helping a friend. I adore that my son’s class earned a pajama day and that my daughter’s class earned a “dance party” for their great community choices. YES! The joy of earning happy rewards for good choices.

What I love most about Robert Fulghum’s rules is that are so vague. He tells you to hold hands and stick together, but he doesn’t tell you with whom. That’s your choice. He tells you to clean up your own messes but he doesn’t tell you where to get messy or to apologize for having made that mess. I think that’s HUGE. He believes in the power of cookies and milk to restart your smile. (Personally, I go for a cup of coffee in lieu of milk, but luckily good old Robert allows for interpretation.) He endorses the need for down time, a need that is sorely neglected in our frantic lives. AMEN! And as for saying sorry when you hurt someone, well… I think adults could use a refresher course. We seem to have forgotten or lost our desire. 

And so, as you shut down your computer (or other technological device), I ask you to make a point of not forgetting what YOU learned in kindergarten. You simply never know when it may help you in an unexpected situation.