Why I love my Iphone

This Thanksgiving has had a commercial theme for me, despite my very recent comments about the lack of commercialism that should surround this sacred American holiday. Shame on me. This is not to say that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy the time I spent with my family. It does mean, however, that I am currently the proud owner of both a smart phone and a nook. Woo hoo! Way to get a kick in the ass, landing smack dab in 2011 (Just in time for the new year.. how ironic!) . I guess I just sort of bypassed the last 10 years, technologically, considering this is my first smart phone and my books have all previously been on paper.

I am already enjoying my newfound technological status, a bit too much actually. It’s sort of embarrassing. I’ve been wanting a smart phone for a few years now, but the budget didn’t agree. The balance has changed somewhat.

It got me thinking, though, about technology. I keep thinking back to the movie “contact”. You know… the movie where Jodi Foster finds the aliens, meets one that looks like dad, and starts an inter-galactic revolution despite humble beginnings.  Matthew Mcconaughey plays the role of a science advisor to the president and ponders the role of technology in the world. He states that he is not inherently anti technology. He simply wonders if the presence of technology actually brings us closer (as we perceive it to) or if it takes us further apart. Makes us less bonded as human beings, less connected to our human relationships.

It’s an intriguing question. In a previous job, we teachers spent a lot of time emailing each other. And it was very useful, quite efficient. I could email a time sensitive question to a teacher with a different planning period and she could respond when I was teaching. By the end of the day, the problem was often resolved. On the flip side, however, how many times did I sit at my desk typing an email to someone 2 classrooms away, when I could have had the conversation more quickly and face to face? Would the result have been of higher quality? Would we have gained some higher insight into the larger issue if we had conducted the conversation in person?

This is the cause of much dispute, especially between generations. Moms and dads shaking their heads in sadness, lamenting the time their kids spend texting when they could be “really talking” to their friends. Kids getting more and more screen time. The cyber bullying that makes the press, making us believe that bullying has actually increased over the years. Whether this is actually true or our awareness is more acute is a great question to debate as well.

And don’t get me wrong. I’m not anti-technology. For me or my kids. One of the reasons I insisted upon an e-reader with color capacity is that I would have killed to have it last week when I was stuck at the car dealership for an hour with two cranky kids, waiting for my battery to be replaced.  Coloring and eating snack worked, but I worked too… I worked hard. Putting on some well timed Dora would have saved me at least two Advil and a third cup of coffee.

I also believe that they can learn some very valuable lessons from technology. Some of the current programs you can download are pretty darn cool and the educational programs have the potential to be very innovative. Add that to the fact that my kids learned most of their letters from a really great phonics DVD that they LOVED beyond words… There are bonuses.

But when is it too much? When are you leaving your children too much to the screen time babysitter? And is that really such a problem? If your children are well adjusted, happy kids… do you really need to beat yourself up about it? After all, we are all just doing what we have to do to get by sometimes. Especially with young kids.

On Thanksgiving morning, I called one of my friends via my Iphone using Facetime. I LOVE facetime. It’s awesome. For those of you that don’t know, it’s basically like Skype on the Iphone and it rocks. Normally, I have to call and settle on her voice. This time, I got to see her face and my kids got to wave at her kids and blow kisses. How fun! Are you truly going to tell me that this didn’t increase my kids’ connection to those they love? I believe it did. It wasn’t about the technology; it was about the faces on the other side. Pure and simple. Human connection.

So, as the holiday season takes hold, I am going to remind myself to focus on the people in my life, not the “stuff”. And sometimes this stuff will be the key to connecting me to those wonderful people. I will remind myself that having a nook to plunk in front of my kids is not an adequate replacement for good quality time, all of the time. If it allows me to make dinner, or simply breathe for a moment… great. But I still need to be there. Really be there. Not just in body, in spirit too.

I think that this is why I love the holiday season so much. Makes us stop and think. Brings up questions that we can’t truly answer, but the pursuit of answers makes us better people.  

This holiday season, may we all find ourselves one step closer to the answer to one question in our hearts and minds.

As we ponder Thanksgiving...

It’s almost Thanksgiving, again. Amazing how fast a year passes. Anyone who’s my friend me on Facebook knows that around this time of year, I dedicate myself to only posting positive thoughts in my updates. It’s not always easy, given that my life has potential for escalating stress and turmoil, but I do my best to stick to my resolution. Typically, I succeed without too much effort. This year, despite raising two almost three year olds, I have had good results. Yup, I refrain from posts such as “… has had a long ass day trying to keep two toddlers out of the fountain at the mall”. I keep those updates for my phone calls to my fellow moms/girlfriends.

The other day was National Premature day, celebrating premature babies and the medical professionals that care for them.  I embrace that thought, with more respect and admiration for the NICU staff that cared for my kids than I can possibly explain. Sometimes gratitude goes beyond words.

My kids are in preschool now and their class held a Thanksgiving feast. It was beyond adorable! All 12 kids in their little school routine, songs and games… what a beautifully chaotic sight. The best part? Watching my two little preemies, in amongst their little friends, totally normal little people. The value of that sight is immeasurable.  Beyond words. Beyond logic. It makes my heart hurt with joy.

I LOVE Thanksgiving. It’s definitely in my top ten of holidays. Not only is it a family holiday (making it immediately awesome) but it’s also the least materialistic holiday of the year. No presents to wrap, no cards to buy… it’s all about the enjoyment of those you love. Oh yeah, and eating as much good food as possible never hurts. It inspires people, even the least optimistic of us, to give thanks for what we have. Even if we yearn for more. And let’s be honest… we all yearn for more (or less) of something.

Sadly, it seems that Christmas invades earlier every year, converting Thanksgiving into a backburner holiday. It used to be an unwritten American law that Christmas decorations were banned until black Friday. Now, it’s not even thanksgiving yet and Christmas decorations have been ever present for weeks now. Christmas music is already playing in the stores.  It’s kind of sad, if you ask me.  Consumerism has officially taken over.  What’s next? Christmas in June? Yeech…

I have found a silver lining to this phenomenon, however. The Salvation Army bell ringers are out in force, located strategically in front of every supermarket and I am sieving the opportunity to morph this particular Christmas tradition with a Thanksgiving message. When we pass one of these bell ringers, we stop. Every time. I take two quarters out of my wallet. I give one to each kid and I remind them that there are kids who don’t always have yummy snacks and who don’t have toys. I explain how sad those kids are. Then, I tell them that this money will help buy yummy snacks and toys to make the sad kids happy again. They drop the coin in gleefully and I applaud. Do they get it? Hmmm… No, not really. But they do understand that they are helping. And I’m laying the foundation. They will get it someday and I’m starting now. Besides, kids always understand mature concepts before we expect them to.

Thinking about others who are in need makes me appreciate what I have.

So... This Thanksgiving. ..What am I thankful for?

I’m thankful that most of my loved ones are healthy and safe. Those that are in distress will survive their current situations, becoming stronger for having endured.

I’m thankful that my kids, despite a rough start in life, are growing up healthy and strong. Any of my gripes regarding their behavior are consistent with that of a “normal” child of their age and will pass as they get older.

I’m thankful for the balance of my life. Not only do I have the opportunity to spend good quality time with my kids and husband, but I also have access to a part time professional life that keeps my brain from getting too mushy or frustrated.

I’m thankful for my husband, a kind and strong man, and a great dad. He, along with my children, is my home.

I’m thankful for the friends and neighbors that surround me and swoop in to help out when need calls. I never have to feel that I suffer alone, when I do suffer pain or inconvenience.

This Thanksgiving, I find myself in a good place, both figuratively and literally. I’m fortunate and I don’t dare forget it.

I sincerely hope that this Thanksgiving finds all you of you in the same place.

The Mom Resume

A long time ago, when I was a full time middle school teacher, we interviewed a candidate for an open position. There was a gap on her resume, which coincided with the birth of her son and his first few years of life. When we questioned this time, she explained the gap, and our concerns were addressed. We moved on to more “relevant” topics of interview conversation.

In retrospect, we missed a golden opportunity by not staying on that particular topic for a few minutes. Why? Because, in our desire to assess her “real” skills, her “professional” skills, we bypassed an entire set of skills that were probably equally valid. We bypassed her “Mom Resume”.  

A what? A “Mom resume”? What, pray tell, is that?

A mom resume is that particular set of skills that you either 1- didn’t have or 2- didn’t have to such an advanced degree before you were a mom. The skills that allow you to survive motherhood, and provide you with the possibility of enjoying your job as mommy.

Did you know that researchers compared the hormone influxes of a toddler to those of a teenager? Not shockingly, they found the level and degree of influx to be very similar in size and pattern. I mean really, isn’t a teenage tantrum really much like the toddler version, with improved vocabulary?

Because this woman was interviewing for a middle school teaching position, being interviewed by middle school teachers, I’m actually somewhat embarrassed to say that we never interviewed her for her mom resume. Some of her skills acquired as a mom could have easily increased her skills in expertly managing middle school girls. To give you some insight, I‘ll share a small part of my mom resume with you.

1-    I can now name all the Thomas characters without even flexing a cognitive muscle.

My son was looking for a particular train the other day, so there I was sitting between two baskets filled with train toys, sorting through… looking for one particular and essential friend. As I found the other wheeled friends, I took them out and handed them to him, naming them as I went. And it hit me, I know all the names. Do I care about Thomas and his little engine friends? Not, not really. But my kids do, and if I have any chance of caring for them successfully, I better be in tune with what THEY find to be important. You don’t have to be rocket scientist to understand how that correlates to excellent middle school teaching.

2-    I can push my individual needs to the side in the interests of “getting it done”.

While I have never considered myself to be a self centered person, I did have much higher expectations of how and when my personal needs would get met. Being hungry would cause high levels of grumpy, for example. And if I had to pee, well… waiting too long wasn’t really an option. I didn’t call in sick to work when tired, but I certainly didn’t perform at my best level either. Now? Well… let’s just say that I have revised view on what qualifies as an immediate need. I can take quick showers and have no time to style my hair, wait long periods of time for the bathroom and maintain myself despite being hungry, when feeding both myself and the kids is not a valid option. I take good care of my kids and the house, even when I’m too tired to think rationally. Now THAT is a professional job skill that should be in high demand.

3-   Multi-tasking galore

Attempting to maintain a house, a schedule, run errands and care for two little people requires a level multi tasking I have never before attempted. And I’m getting damn good… You have to pack the diaper bag, wash the breakfast dishes and keep him from stealing her toy all the same time, despite the events taking place in three different locations in the room. You also have to know who is playing with what and which toys will cause potential problems, and when. Oh, and apply this knowledge to avoid any massive blowouts (emotional or fluid based) on the way out the door. One day, I will become Elastigirl (from “The Incredibles), and I will be psyched.  Have you managed a middle school classroom? Must I explain the value of this skill? 

4-   Effective selective hearing

Most of us have decent hearing, at least according to a medical professional that assesses us. But selective hearing? Effective selective hearing? That is an acquired skill and mine has grown to a level of EXCELLENCE. I can hear everything the kids are doing and saying while I’m making dinner but I hear it through a filter that only allows it priority when absolutely necessary. Non-consequential whining… might as well not be happening because I don’t hear it. The 100^th request for something that I have already denied? Huh? I’m sorry… did you say something? I didn’t hear anything. This is SUCH a useful skill! And have you met middle school girls recently?

5-   The hand-free 4 point hold

Before kids, my life was pretty tame and the art of restraining another human being was not in my repertoire. I always figured that if I had to restrain one of the kids, my size advantage would make it a small endeavor. Wrong, so very wrong! Needless to say, my kids don’t enjoy diaper changes and one pissed off kid can be pretty darn powerful when armed with a dirty bottom and a case of the wiggles. I have mastered multiple techniques by which I can hold down a complaining child, while keeping my hands free to work and his/her hands out of the poop. Go me!!! While I’m not sure this particular skill translates literally to the middle school classroom (gosh, I hope not…) the figurative comparison translates well. Can you take a resistant victim and still get done what needs to be done? Hmmm…

6-   Bribery expert

I know, I know… all the current literature clearly states that bribery is unwise when dealing with kids. They need to build internal desires to be good and providing them with external persuasion (bribery) is not consistent with this theory. They call for “incentives” instead. Incentives my ass! Have these experts ever dealt with toddler twins? I think not. Bribery is the only way I can get my daughter to keep even vaguely quiet at nap time, as she’s not going to sleep. It’s also the only way to get them out of a toy store when I can’t avoid completing the errand with “helpers”. And if you don’t bribe middle school students, even just a little… well, good luck to you. You have a short career ahead of you. Despite their developing bodies, they are not mature. And they’re not supposed to be yet. Bribes do wonders and the concrete knowledge they will attain via bribery will be essential when their internal desires become more prominent.

And so I will ask, as I ask so often… what’s my point?

My point, my dear friends, is that moms are to be respected, admired and revered for their knowledge. Don’t be fooled by their messy hair and stained clothing. They are professionals.  Salute them as you pass. They have earned it!

And let the differences emerge...

When I was pregnant with my twins, I used to sit and feel them moving around when they got really excited. Chocolate was pretty good for getting them excited. I’d put my hands on my enormous stomach, one on top of each baby. She would kick and he would wiggle, she’d kick, he’d wiggle… and they would just keep it up until they got tired. Or maybe they just got bored of the game. I joked that the nature of their movements must be an indication of the people they would become. She’d be feisty and he’d be naughty.

When they were born, their differences were evident immediately. Their sleep patterns differed and their needs varied depending on mood and time of day. They may have shared my body and they may always share a birthday, but they are NOT the same person. Far from it.

As they have grown up, the differences have only become more distinct. Her passion, his sense of calm, her independence, his love of cuddles. It’s so much fun getting to know them, watching them get to know themselves.

They are now firmly in the toddler stage, for better or worse. Their identities are blossoming and every day I meet another element of who they are and what they are becoming. It’s incredible.

Here are some examples:

Table manners:

We made chicken and rice for dinner and it was pretty yummy. The kids agreed, they ate a ton of it. The table manners, however… well… let me elaborate.

My daughter is meticulous and detail oriented. She took her fork and painstakingly inserted it into the pile of rice. Then she slowly raised the fork, hand vibrating slightly, to her mouth. You could see on her face that she was PRAYING for it to not fall. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it all fell. She would watch the descent of rice pilaf with despair or smile with glee at the enormous bite of food. Either way, it was a process. And she was determined to do it right. And when it spilled on her chair, she was dismayed. I had to clean it off in order for her to calm down.

My son. Hmmm… he took his hand and shoveled it in. With zeal. I could have sworn a rice bomb exploded around his chair. Seriously, I didn’t know that rice could travel so far. Did it grow legs when I wasn’t looking?  He was in heaven. Between shovels, he would grin at us and exclaim “yummy rice!” and then recommence the food expanding process. We had to laugh. What else can you do?

The backpack:

Now that my kids are in preschool, they have backpacks. His is Elmo and hers is Dora. They LOVE their backpacks. But I can’t get either of them to wear them on their backs. I’m not entirely sure why, not that it really matters.

When we go into school, I ask the kids to hold their own bag and I hold their hands as we walk through the parking lot. It makes me realize how big they are getting.

My daughter holds her bag tightly to her chest, her available arm wrapped around the bag. When I release her other hand she uses that arm to clasp the bag as well. This Dora bag is a blessed item.

My son drags his bag behind him. He loves his Elmo bag, but he’s just not precise or careful. He’s too busy watching the cars and people to think about the backpack. Sometimes he almost trips over it or lets it get in front of his legs, causing him to trip. Luckily, Elmo breaks his fall and ouchies are avoided.

The crib:

My daughter’s crib is her sanctuary. She is an avid collector of every soft toy that enters the house. She has managed to acquire over 90%, I would assume, with the exception of the few that we have called off limits, due to my son’s desire to not lose them as his own. When in her crib, she arranges her little friends and plays games with them. When I tuck her in at night, every toy must go in exactly the right place, and that place differs nightly. It’s quite a process.

My son has a few valued friends in his crib, but his pooh bear is the only one that is truly irreplaceable and invaluable. His other little friends can be wherever, he doesn’t mind. Whatever dude! As long as I have my Pooh bear!

As the kids get older, I look forward to meeting the parts of their personalities that will continue to emerge. I’ll try hard not to predict, it might blind me from seeing their true selves. I’ll do my best to stay open minded, see how it goes.

I’ll hold on tight and enjoy the ride. After all, isn’t that why we have kids?