Hey there... my kids are 3. Does that make me an expert?

Hey folks… my kids just turned 3. In raising young kids terms, that practically makes me an expert. Right? Of course right!

 So, in the spirit of embracing my expert status, I’d like to share a few sniglets of knowledge that I have acquired in the last 3 years, thanks to my darling children.

1-      I’ve learned any child product that guarantees results must have some really tiny fine print. Especially if success requires cooperation on the part of the child. It’s like those “Your child will read or your money back” programs. Seriously? My kids, like most others, are not performance monkeys. The fine print probably says something like … “Your child will read (if you stand on your head for 12 consecutive hours and sing ‘Zippity do dah’ at the same time…” Good luck with that.

2-      I’ve learned that the best food to eat is whatever is on the adult’s plate. No, it doesn’t matter that it all got served from the same casserole dish. And no, they don’t care that the food on your plate hasn’t been squished and squashed like theirs, so you don’t want theirs. You want yours. Yours is better, plain and simple. And yes, occasionally you will find yourself eating your dinner off the little red Elmo plate while your child enjoys your un-mutilated meal off of yours. Sigh.

3-      If you have an hour and nothing is going to explode from neglect, take a nap. Don’t organize your kitchen. Don’t worry about your hair. Certainly do not complete a task for someone else that will cause you more stress, unless it’s really important. Take a nap, or at least find a way to relax some. Maybe check your email or chat on the phone. Ok… if organizing your kitchen is fun, go ahead. But nobody else cares about your kitchen, so certainly don’t do it for them.

4-      When your gut tells you that your one last “really quick” errand might not be the wisest of ideas, you might want to cut your shopping trip short. Most, if not all, of my disastrous errands were ones that I desperately wanted to accomplish so I ignored the writing on the wall. Go me for wanting to accomplish all the items on my list!

5-      Don’t change clothing in the middle of the day, unless you are attending a formal event or the weather makes the mess a larger issue. Wet stains in the middle of winter, for example, are not the best idea. Otherwise, feel free to be like me. You know… the mom with the messy kids in Target. Most of lunch got wiped off. That’s not too bad. The majority of the remaining chocolate is up the nose, to be later removed in the pre sleep bath. Awesome. Let’s go shopping while we’re all still in a good mood.

6-      Sleep is paramount. It comes above all other activities. At least this is true in my house. Think about how you feel with little sleep, and then delete the life experience that has given you maturity. Yup, that’s your kid. I know people that play with sleep, and they do get more done than I do. But they don’t get it for free. In my world, screw the errand. I want my kids to sleep.

7-      Sometimes the discomfort of the solution is far better than the discomfort of the problem. In my existence, the diaper bag is a perfect example. It gets a little heavy sometimes, but I don’t mind. Why? Because it contains the essentials to thwart the vast majority of tantrums. Thirsty? Have no fear. I have juice boxes. Hungry? Hold on a second while I dig for a veritable variety of yummy snacks. You made a mess? No worries… I’ve got wipes.  I couldn’t care less about the slight ache in my back. It’s far less annoying than the ache in the head from kid whining. At least to me.

8-      Ignoring gets a bad rap. Sometimes, it’s essential. Like, oh… for example… recently on a Costco trip. My son’s incessant whining was driving me crazy so I simply ignored him. He yelled. He writhed. He made a scene. I shopped. Paid him no mind. Tantrum didn’t last long and his sister got a ton of attention and praise for a being a wonderful “big girl”. Woo hoo… two points for mommy.

9-      Your needs, as an adult, are not as immediate as you think. Sure, you’re hungry. You’ll live. And do you really know how long you can hold it when you have to pee? A long time… I assure you. When my kids were in the stage of the huge double stroller and some bathrooms didn’t have a handicapped stall big enough for the stroller, I learned this the hard way. Fun? Not so much. But it was educational. And it was HUGE for character building.

To those of you that have children much younger than mine…let this educate you on at least one mom’s perspective of where you are going.

To those of you that have children older than mine…  Well, I’ll keep looking out for your blog, so that I can get a better perspective on my future. J