The rules for being "orderly"!

I read an article the other day, about a mom getting arrested at her daughter’s graduation. The brief article did not go into detail, but the short version of what I could find is the following.

1-      Friends and family were asked (ok, TOLD) not to clap and cheer between names being read while graduates walked across the stage.

2-      They were informed they would be escorted out if they did not oblige.

3-      Mom did not agree (or wasn’t listening…) so she cheered. She was escorted out.

4-      Once outside, she was put into handcuffs and charged with disorderly conduct.

I don’t know what she cheered, or how loudly she cheered, or for how long. I also don’t know how she treated the authorities that escorted her out, if she really was “disorderly”, whatever that means. I guess we all have our own definitions of what orderly looks like. I know that what I considered orderly before children has changed dramatically. I also know that culturally, “orderly” can differ dramatically.

I read the comments after the article. Oh, the joys of online reading. Not only do you get the information presented to you, but you get exposed to everyone’s opinion on it. Sometimes this is a blessing, other times a curse. This time, it was insightful, if not a bit disturbing.

Some of the comments criticized the mom, telling her that a graduation is not about her. It’s about her kid and the other graduates. If she needs to keep her mouth shut for them (all of them) to get their moment of glory, she should do so without question.  Some comments even went so far as to recount their own tales of recent graduations, where they were unable to hear the name of their own beloved graduated, due to loud families in the audience.

Other comments criticized the school, claiming that a graduation is a moment of joy. Triumph. Banning proud families from cheering is a travesty. A decline of celebration in our society.

Some comments fell into the gray area between, noting that they didn’t entirely agree with the school’s policy. They did, however, believe that we model acceptable behavior for our children and we teach them how to respect authority by how we behave. If the school asks the audience to behave a certain way, we follow the rules out of respect.  Period.

Personally, I find myself sad. I’ll tell you why…

As a classroom teacher I frequently found myself implementing and creating rules that, in an ideal world, would have been irrelevant. Research shows that antsy kids benefit from chewing gum or eating, as the jaw movement keeps them more alert. I also believe that letting a person eat when they are hungry, as opposed to on a schedule, enhances a person’s ability to think clearly. It’s logical. But most schools don’t allow kids to eat at will in school because of the mess it causes. We can’t trust them to eat cleanly or clean up after themselves, so we ban the food and gum entirely. Those that would have handled it properly, tough luck.

The same goes for strict seating charts, book checks, and inflexible policies on daily classroom behavior. Just consider the zero tolerance policy in schools. How sad that a child who hits in self defense is considered equally guilty. And I understand why the schools have to implement such a policy, as getting the whole story can be so difficult. But it still saddens me. I’ll have a hard time being angry at one of my kids if they ever get disciplined for fighting back, even though I don’t believe violence to be primary solution.

As a teacher, I always struggled, watching my well behaved students get restricted by rules that were ridiculous for them. Punished by the behavior of their less well behaved peers. I wanted to tell them that THEY didn’t have to follow that rule. THEY would know how to behave properly without the enormous restrictions.  

As for that mom at the graduation…I would be interested in being a fly on the wall in that situation. See what REALLY happened. At least my perspective on it. And, although I may be an optimistic fool, I hope for the future and a better balance of rules. In life in general.  For me and my kids.