Merry Christmas and Happy New Year... What are your resolutions?

Today, we were driving in the car, listening to a Disney Christmas CD. Yes, it is as nauseating as you imagine it would be. Goofy singing “all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth” could actually put a woman over the edge. But it keeps the kids quiet and that goes a long way in my world.

 So, we’re driving along and my daughter asks for the song “twinkle, twinkle, Shabbat light. To clarify, this is the tune of “twinkle, twinkle, little star” with the words rewritten for my kids’ Jewish preschool when they celebrate Shabbat.  I almost laughed out loud. It should come as no surprise to me, but my kids don’t get that Jewish Shabbat and Christian Christmas have no real relationship.  Reminded me of bilingual kids that start a sentence in one language, finishing in another… totally unaware that this might cause confusion for some.

We are officially raising our kids inter-faith! Pretty cool, if you ask me.

So, here we are. It’s the holiday season. Thanksgiving has passed and Christmas is rapidly approaching. The air is getting nippy and evidence of the holiday season has erupted everywhere the eye can see.

I LOVE the holiday season. I adore it. The air feels warmer, ironically, as the temperature is actually dropping. (At least where I live…) People are nicer, somehow. And I don’t think that it’s an act. I firmly believe that most people are nice, given the opportunity to slow down and actually see the world they inhabit. But there’s something about the holiday season that brings out the desire to focus on community and sharing. I’ve never actually completed an unbiased study, but my day to day perception is that we are all more likely to hold a door open, smile at a stranger or take an action that will benefit another person even when it poses no benefit to us.

Oh, and I simply adore the tradition of holiday cards. Especially now with the variety of choices for photo cards. All these people spread out geographically, who never see their friends’ kids grow bigger… once a year, we get to see what their family looks like and do a mini catch up on their lives. When we put the cards up on the wall, it’s like we spend our hours surrounded by loved ones. Priceless.

In past blogs, I spent a little time talking about New Year’s resolutions, claiming that these resolutions are often better placed on birthdays. A more personal start and end to the year, one that you share with only a select few. This year, however, my kids just turned 3 and WOW are they 3. Both of them. At the SAME TIME. While I love my twins, it’s sort of a cruel joke. I mean, think about it. BOTH KIDS firmly in the “do it myself” stage, long before they can actually do “it” successfully or within any rational time frame.  Tantrums from both kids because they have wrong color chair… really? Isn’t one of them supposed to be posing different problems, so that my insanity can encompass some variety? Hmmm….

But I mention this not to gripe. I mention it to repent, in a bizarre sort of way. My kids are driving me a little nutty, and I haven’t been as calm in response to this feeling as I would like. I know… we’ve all been there. And I know… I’m probably doing a better job than I am giving myself credit for. This isn’t a new conversation. But I’d like to do better and the approaching New Year has me thinking about change.  New Year’s resolutions are on the brain.

The problem with change, I believe, is the following. We are not who we are as a result of what we do. I actually think it’s the opposite cause and effect. We do what we do as a result of who we are.  So, consequently, if we are to change our actions we have to begin with the most basic and essential questions, posed inward. And we have to answer ourselves honestly. We are obligated to evaluate the parts of ourselves that allow and encourage us to make the choices we make, and to recognize the consequences of these choices.

If we truly want to make changes, then we can’t focus on our actions. We need to focus on our needs and incentives. Simply putting in a calendar reminder to go to the gym doesn’t help me get physically fit. I know that I should go. It’s in my head. When I don’t go, it’s not because I forgot, like an innocently forgotten item on the shopping list. I didn’t forget. For better or worse, I simply did not make it a priority. If I want that to change, I need to rearrange my priorities… and that’s probably the hardest thing to do. For all of us.

So, as 2011 comes to a close and 2012 begins, I would like to extend a wish to each and every one of you!

May your holiday rejuvenate your spirits, so that you have the courage to make the necessary changes in your life.  May you have the perspective to know which agendas truly deserve your energy and attention, and which ones are best discarded in the interests of more sleep or relaxation.

And most importantly, may you have more happiness than stress in this holiday season, so that you begin the New Year refreshed… and ready to make the changes you dream about.

Hey there... my kids are 3. Does that make me an expert?

Hey folks… my kids just turned 3. In raising young kids terms, that practically makes me an expert. Right? Of course right!

 So, in the spirit of embracing my expert status, I’d like to share a few sniglets of knowledge that I have acquired in the last 3 years, thanks to my darling children.

1-      I’ve learned any child product that guarantees results must have some really tiny fine print. Especially if success requires cooperation on the part of the child. It’s like those “Your child will read or your money back” programs. Seriously? My kids, like most others, are not performance monkeys. The fine print probably says something like … “Your child will read (if you stand on your head for 12 consecutive hours and sing ‘Zippity do dah’ at the same time…” Good luck with that.

2-      I’ve learned that the best food to eat is whatever is on the adult’s plate. No, it doesn’t matter that it all got served from the same casserole dish. And no, they don’t care that the food on your plate hasn’t been squished and squashed like theirs, so you don’t want theirs. You want yours. Yours is better, plain and simple. And yes, occasionally you will find yourself eating your dinner off the little red Elmo plate while your child enjoys your un-mutilated meal off of yours. Sigh.

3-      If you have an hour and nothing is going to explode from neglect, take a nap. Don’t organize your kitchen. Don’t worry about your hair. Certainly do not complete a task for someone else that will cause you more stress, unless it’s really important. Take a nap, or at least find a way to relax some. Maybe check your email or chat on the phone. Ok… if organizing your kitchen is fun, go ahead. But nobody else cares about your kitchen, so certainly don’t do it for them.

4-      When your gut tells you that your one last “really quick” errand might not be the wisest of ideas, you might want to cut your shopping trip short. Most, if not all, of my disastrous errands were ones that I desperately wanted to accomplish so I ignored the writing on the wall. Go me for wanting to accomplish all the items on my list!

5-      Don’t change clothing in the middle of the day, unless you are attending a formal event or the weather makes the mess a larger issue. Wet stains in the middle of winter, for example, are not the best idea. Otherwise, feel free to be like me. You know… the mom with the messy kids in Target. Most of lunch got wiped off. That’s not too bad. The majority of the remaining chocolate is up the nose, to be later removed in the pre sleep bath. Awesome. Let’s go shopping while we’re all still in a good mood.

6-      Sleep is paramount. It comes above all other activities. At least this is true in my house. Think about how you feel with little sleep, and then delete the life experience that has given you maturity. Yup, that’s your kid. I know people that play with sleep, and they do get more done than I do. But they don’t get it for free. In my world, screw the errand. I want my kids to sleep.

7-      Sometimes the discomfort of the solution is far better than the discomfort of the problem. In my existence, the diaper bag is a perfect example. It gets a little heavy sometimes, but I don’t mind. Why? Because it contains the essentials to thwart the vast majority of tantrums. Thirsty? Have no fear. I have juice boxes. Hungry? Hold on a second while I dig for a veritable variety of yummy snacks. You made a mess? No worries… I’ve got wipes.  I couldn’t care less about the slight ache in my back. It’s far less annoying than the ache in the head from kid whining. At least to me.

8-      Ignoring gets a bad rap. Sometimes, it’s essential. Like, oh… for example… recently on a Costco trip. My son’s incessant whining was driving me crazy so I simply ignored him. He yelled. He writhed. He made a scene. I shopped. Paid him no mind. Tantrum didn’t last long and his sister got a ton of attention and praise for a being a wonderful “big girl”. Woo hoo… two points for mommy.

9-      Your needs, as an adult, are not as immediate as you think. Sure, you’re hungry. You’ll live. And do you really know how long you can hold it when you have to pee? A long time… I assure you. When my kids were in the stage of the huge double stroller and some bathrooms didn’t have a handicapped stall big enough for the stroller, I learned this the hard way. Fun? Not so much. But it was educational. And it was HUGE for character building.

To those of you that have children much younger than mine…let this educate you on at least one mom’s perspective of where you are going.

To those of you that have children older than mine…  Well, I’ll keep looking out for your blog, so that I can get a better perspective on my future. J

Wait... they understood that?

I am officially organized for my kids’ 3^rd birthday party. So much to think about. It has my head reeling. No, not the planning, mind you. We’re keeping it pretty simple. No fancy food, no elegant location, no expensive party favors. You know… Costco is catering with chips and dips.  The local supermarket is providing the cake. Like I said, keeping it simple… just the way mommy likes it.
So why is my head reeling? I’m so glad you asked.

I can’t believe they’re turning 3. Weren’t they born yesterday? That’s what it feels like sometimes. And as they get older, I am blown over by the capacity to understand that my children exhibit. And the way this capacity increases daily, or at least it seems to me.

Their sense of imagination has exploded, to the point that when we see a “broken” truck (i.e. the cab of the truck without a trailer attached… all the wires showing) my daughter is convinced that dinosaurs will fix it. She says it with total certainty. She KNOWS that it’s true. My son makes everything into a moving vehicle, makes bent legs mountains and is completely certain that everything he can’t see is hiding somewhere funny.

When Halloween was in the air, they were constantly taking in all the pumpkins and witches and they seemed to be really enjoying it. I had told them about trick-or-treating many times now and I think they got it. Unlike last year, when they had no clue, this year they really enjoyed it. How cool is that? They may even be looking forward to Christmas on some level.

In terms of daily functioning, their expanding comprehension is quite often a blessing. They now grasp a sense of time, when it’s put in terms of events. Recently, when my husband was away, I had a morning off while the babysitter came. When I told the kids I was going “to work”, they looked panicked. (For the record, I wasn’t going to work. I was going to Target, but I wasn’t going to tell them that. They would want to go with me, and the whole point was for me to go ALONE.) I quickly reassured them that I wouldn’t be gone long and that I would be home for lunch. They both paused, dramatically. “Lunch with mommy”, they asked me. “Yes, lunch with mommy” I confirmed. They stared me down for a moment, until they decided that I was to be believed and relaxed. Panic finished… they understood when I was coming home. Well, sort of anyways.

 And as much as I hate to admit it, I like that they now have a good grasp on behavior and consequences. The proof? When I threaten to implement the consequence of an unwanted behavior, that “oh shit” look crosses their faces and they stop. (Well… most of the time anyways). When I was forced to drag them away from a lunch line at a local farm, to the car, they knew why they had to wait for their lunch and couldn’t eat with their friends. They understood that, had they listened to Mommy even remotely, we would not have left. Will they repeat said behaviors? Of course! But that’s evidence of immaturity and impulsivity, not understanding.

 I look forward to watching their understanding expand as they get older and “wiser”. I look forward to observing their reactions and hearing the answers they give to my questions.

Should be interesting!!!