Ever since I was relatively young, I have loved Robert
Fulghum. Those of you that know his name and my style won’t be surprised in the
least. Those of you that don’t know him, well…
Robert Fulghum is a writer and his writing takes the form of
multiple short vignettes. He spins stories of fascinating people, connecting
them with the world at large in bizarre and unconventional ways. I love it.
One of my favorites discusses the game of “hide and seek”.
He describes the game (which you already know, I’m sure) and then talks about
that person who hides too well. So well, in fact, that nobody finds them and
they are forced to give up their location when people stop looking. He
correlates this behavior to those people who “hide” in life. Those who are
diagnosed with terminal illnesses but don’t’ tell anyone until the very end.
Those who suffer in silence. Those who don’t share their victories or woes.
My very favorite vignette, however, is his list of rules for
life. His most famous vignette claims
that the most important rules in life were learned in kindergarten and are
forgotten by most adults. He claims that if most adults followed these very
basic rules, the world would be a much nicer place.
For example
-
Play fair
-
Clean up your own messes
-
Say you’re sorry when you hurt someone
-
(And my FAVORITE!) Always buy lemonade when a
kid is selling it.
So… in the spirit of Robert Fulghum, I would like to present
you with MY top ten rules for life.
1- “Always buy lemonade from a
kid who’s selling it!”- My apologies, my dear Robert, but I stole this one
because I love it so very much. I agree with you. A child selling lemonade is
not just selling lemonade and frequently could not care less about how much
money he/she makes. They are taking a risk, putting themselves out in the
world. Asking their community to take a chance on them. When you buy their
lemonade, you tell them YES. Your risk was worth your time. Take a bigger risk
next time. Oh, and when the lemonade tastes like crap, don’t pour it out until
you are out of sight.
2- “Always apologize to kids in
situations where you would ask them to apologize to you”. – I’m a klutz. As
a result, I frequently bump into things and people. Including my kids. I always
apologize to them, while looking them in the eye. I also have the memory of a
goldfish. When I promise them something and forget, it’s the same deal. And
then I deliver something even better, just to make a point. If they are taking
notes, they will learn the value of keeping promises.
3- “The individual items of a
young child’s outfit don’t have to match each other; they each need to match
the child.”- My daughter is now
smack dab in the toddler years. And yes, she has many opinions. Right now, she
loves her dresses and gets mad if I wear a skirt and don’t put her in one. And
you should see the outfits she chooses. She’s the cutest clown I’ve ever seen
by the time she’s done. But her skirt matches HER. So does her shirt. And so do
her shoes. Most of the time, the socks match each other, but that’s no
guarantee either. But you should see her smile! That is one proud little girl!
4 - “Don’t question mom when she
has ‘that’ look on her face.” – Especially a stay at home mom. If she looks
like she’s being rigid, assume she’s tried it other way before. And it failed.
‘nuff said.
5- “Learn what the people you
love sound like when they’re not ok.”- People whine and fuss all the time, people of
all ages. Sometimes we need to tune them out and ignore them, for their own
good, because we love them. Sometimes, however, their obnoxious behavior is a
cry for help. Listen well enough to know which is which so that you don’t
ignore the cries for help, whenever possible.
6- “Pick your battles wisely”-
Not everything that pisses you off is worth fighting about, especially if you
are a strong willed woman like me. If it won’t matter in a day, a week, a year…
let it go. Is it really worth the time and energy? Aren’t there more important
places that energy could be spent?
7-
“Hugs rule the world”- Sometimes I find myself fighting with my
kids. Sometimes they deserved it. Sometimes they didn’t. Recently, I had a really good head to head
with one of my kids and he stomped into the other room. I took a deep breath
and realized that I hadn’t picked my battles very well (see #6 above), so I
went into the other room and hugged him. No words. Just a huge hug. He wrapped
himself around me like a monkey, sighed contentedly, and all was right again.
My daughter frequently gets herself all worked up. When words are no longer
progressing us, I open my arms to her and ask “Is it time for a hug?”. At least 80% of the time, she runs into my
arms and the battle is over.
8- “Get dirty”- Yes, I mean
you adults too. There is a reason why ice packs, baths/showers and washing
machines were invented. Use them. Eat messy food, even if it gets on your
shirt. Wash it later. Play in dirt and don’t whine about it. Seriously. What’s
the worst thing that can happen?
9- “Don’t compare yourself to
others so much.” – Whenever you think that somebody else has got it
covered, think again. You don’t know what happens behind closed doors and you
certainly are not in their head. Every time I meet someone who seems perfect,
that illusion fades as I get to know them better. And don’t misunderstand, this
is a GOOD thing. A GREAT thing. Imperfection is the best. Those hilarious pet
peeves and bizarre niggles are what makes you special. So don’t compare
yourself too much. You might be tempted to eradicate one of the fantastically
endearing “flaws” that everyone loves so much about you.
10- “Don’t
take it for granted”- By “it”, I
mean everything. The good stuff… because you never know what’s going to happen
next. Just ask the mom whose kid has an accident and is in the hospital,
wondering if he’s going to be ok. She took her boring plans for the day for
granted that morning. She would do anything to take it back.
