Go out and play!!!!

NOTE: This blog was written last year, about this time of year. Due to life distraction, it got lost in the shuffle and never got posted. So… in the spirit of the season, I thought I would post it now. Enjoy! 

We took the kiddos camping for the first time. 

My husband and I were campers before we had kids. We would plan 2 to 3 week long trips, predominantly camping, in fantastic locations like series of national parks out west of the U.S. We booked camp sites in locations where we couldn’t afford hotel rooms and cooked our own food. We slept in tents and hiked miles a day. It was wonderful. Not glamorous but a wonderful way to reconnect to life and each other.

When we had our kids, however, the camping stopped. It’s not totally irrational. Having young twins is no laughing matter. We would have cleared a campsite with our sleep issues because, man, our kids could scream. Thank goodness we have a single family home because we would have had problems in a townhouse.  Teaching my daughter to sleep independently was not a quiet process. 

Now that the kids are 4.5 years old and sleeping is not really an issue anymore, camping started to seem more reasonable. That, combined with their love of the outdoors and their physical independence, persuaded us to try a camping trip, so we collaborated with friends. We set our tent up in the backyard a few days prior, with two purposes. Primarily, we wanted to be sure it was in good shape and wasn’t missing any pieces. We purchased it about two years ago in a good sale and moment of optimism. Between then and know, it sat in the basement collecting dust. 

Insert sad sigh here. 

We also wanted the kids to see and experience the tent for the first time on their own home soil, on familiar turf. They took one look at it and squealed with delight. They called it their “castle” and decided to run around inside. And yes, it is big enough for them to run around. It’s also tall enough for an adult to stand up. Awesome! 

When we arrived at the campsite, the kids bounded out of the car and headed straight for the woods surrounding the site. They picked up sticks and ran around giggling. They dug in the dirt and searched for bugs and worms. They searched for animals in trouble (Thank you Dora and Diego…) and rescued them triumphantly. This play continued as my husband and I set up our campsite and found all the items that were necessary to put out bedding and cook that evening’s dinner. It didn’t take us too long and the kids never stopped playing long enough to notice that we were busy. They were filthy in no time and we took them down to the local lake for a swim once we were settled. 

Childhood at its finest. 

Recent research has examined and addressed the need the for free playtime, in reaction to the sheer lack of it in today’s society. Kids play more sports, take more after school classes and are significantly more scheduled than ever before. This statistic is undisputed. 

What is frequently discussed, however, is the impact of this scheduling. Some claim that the benefit of the activity outweighs the stress of the schedule. Others firmly disagree, stating that kids no longer understand the command “go play”. They need more distinct directions. Play what? Studies have shown that this lack of ability to fill free time successfully is not beneficial to brain development. While I don’t doubt the studies are probably biased, I also don’t doubt that there is a central truth to their findings. 

 Many find themselves in the gray area between the two camps. I am firmly in that gray area majority.

That said, words cannot express the happiness I felt at observing my kids “just playing” in the woods. They were so happy, so content. Not a care in the world.  

What a wonderful childhood moment.

Trust...

A while back, our family expanded by two when we brought home two little gerbils. We’d had fish and the kids enjoyed having a pet, so we set about finding a replacement. After much thought, we settled on gerbils. Easy to maintain. Inexpensive. Cute. You know… not a bad pick. 

Our first trip to the pet store yielded a ten gallon tank and all the necessary accessories. Once the cage was set up, we bought our little friends and brought them home. The kiddos were beyond thrilled. 

Naming the little munchkins proved interesting, but my daughter came up with “Mickey” and “Minnie”, and my son approved. And so it was decided. My daughter also decided that we needed a boy and girl, so that they could be brother and sister, just like her and her twin brother. As we weren’t planning to expand our little rodent family anytime soon, that was not going to happen. The better part of valor was to convince my daughter that Minnie really was a girl. Really…  Fortunately, the store employee played along like a pro. 

I knew the kids would enjoy them, and I figured that I would be somewhat ambivalent. As a result, I was pleasantly surprised by the extent to which my husband and I are enjoying them as well. They’re cute, and over time they have learned to not fear us. They sleep cuddled up together, frequently in plain sight. If we put sunflower seeds in our hands, they will eat right out of our hands, hunkered comfortably and nibbling contentedly. My daughter, especially, loves to sit on the floor while the gerbils play in her hands. Mickey has a tendency to nibble gently on fingers. We call it a “love nibble” as it doesn’t hurt a bit and our internet research tells us it’s a sign of affection. It makes my kids giggle. They are not afraid. My son likes to pet the gerbils and then laugh hysterically, claiming that the gerbil kissed him when it nudges him with a tiny nose. 

The other day, I was feeding the gerbils when it hit me. They are tiny. So very tiny. They fit in our hands comfortably, making them less than .5 percent of our body size. And yet they sit comfortably in our hands, eating their seeds without fear or concern. 

Now THAT is trust. 

It’s amazing, this thing called trust. As a mom, I see it every day. My kids trust me inherently. They know that the food I give them to eat will satisfy their bodies and that if they are in trouble, I will come running. They know that I mean what I say and I say what I mean… even when they don’t like the content of my message.

They know that I love them. Even when they aren’t being very likeable, and they know that I will ALWAYS put their safety first. 

I use the word “promise” very carefully. I never promise something I’m not certain I can deliver and frequently tell my kids that I don’t promise to deliver. I promise to try, but I don’t promise the result. As younger kids, they didn’t always understand the distinction. Now, they do. 

And so I’m taking advantage, using Mickey and Minnie as a teachable moment. We talked about how small our little gerbils are, and how big we are. We talked about how easily we could hurt them, directly or indirectly. We talk about how important it is for us to feed them and keep them safe. I know… they’re gerbils. But they are also a metaphor for life and how we treat others. 

We are not a religious family, but I do consider myself to be spiritual. I do believe that many of the lessons portrayed in faith/religion based stories are true and essential. You know, like valuing all God’s creatures. We have never told our children to value God’s creatures, but we have told them that all things that live will die, and that they can feel pain and sadness. That they deserve to be protected. (Except for ants in my kitchen. THEY deserve to be squashed. PLEASE don’t ask me to define the difference.) 

My daughter is an expert at saving caterpillars. She gets super excited every time she finds one, insists on picking it up and relocating it to a safe tree or bush. She takes pride in the fact that its family won’t have to be sad because it’s gone. The way she holds it gently, allowing it to climb over her fingers is beautiful. It makes me so proud. 

Because how we treat others in life is everything.

Why Frozen isnt that bad...

If your house is anything like mine, the “Frozen epidemic” has taken a firm hold on your daily existence. Sure, it’s a good movie and I enjoyed watching it. I even enjoyed it enough to justify buying the DVD and audio CD without resentment. I don’t even mind watching it multiple times when my children request it during the grumpy hour. (You know, post dinner and pre bedtime…)

The fact that my 5 year old children will listen exclusively to the “Frozen” CD in the car has caused minimal problems, but nothing too extreme. In fact, there are definitely some positives to the experience. Oh, and as a side note, am I REALLY the only one who noticed the connection between the release of a movie about eternal winter during our eternal winter? I should hope not…  As for the benefits, I’ll elaborate.

1-    The enhancement of memorization techniques:  My kids don’t always remember things well and lyrics to songs have never been their strong point. They know EVERY WORD to the Frozen songs, however.  And yes, I do mean every word. My daughter especially, although my son isn’t doing badly. They practice often enough, so they should know all the words. That’s got to have some academic benefits. Right?

2-   Pretty music: I haven’t’ conducted an extensive study, but I am willing to state that the quality of music in animated movies has improved recently. While the older movies included some pretty tunes, I would hesitate to say that their music was inspired. The Frozen music, however, is beautiful. It’s very well written and catchy.  It’s easy on the ears and classy. It’s not “kids’ music” despite its presence in a movie made at least partly for children. That something, right?

3-   Excellent lyrics: My daughter has reached a phase in her kid curiosity where she feels the need to understand the meaning of every word she hears. She thinks it’s hilarious that the word “noodle” can mean the food you eat or the bendy toy you play with in the pool. A word geek, myself, I think that’s kind of cool. I’ll tell you this, I love explaining the meaning of the lyrics in the Frozen songs. I love explaining that “isolation” means being alone, but implies much more than alone.  It’s the feeling of being lonely, as opposed to that wonderful moment when you finally get to be alone at the end of a busy and social day. And she gets that. I LOVE that she gets that. We talked about how “the past is in the past” means that her tantrums of yesterday are forgiven and today is a new day. That’s an important life lesson if you ask me.

4-   Excellent female roles: I like romance and love, so I don’t object to a happy romantic ending. That said, I found it refreshing that the “true love” at the end of Frozen was sisterly love, not romantic love. Ana saved Elsa, and then Elsa save Ana. Their bond was recreated. Joy and love was returned to the kingdom. The presence of a romantic relationship for Ana was the icing on the cake. A nice addition. A bonus. Family came first. Nice.

I empathize with parents and child care provider all over the world. I do. I understand how annoying the 7 millionth rendition of “Let it go” can be, especially at full voice in the middle of the supermarket. But hey, it could be worse. It could be the “Thong song”. Right?

Let go and enjoy the ride!

We took our kids to six flags yesterday. Beautiful day. Perfect weather, not too hot but not too chilly. Short lines, if any. Sunshine and no rain. And if that wasn’t enough, we had friends join us so the kids could run in a pack. It’s amazing, the power of positive peer pressure to persuade a young child to try that new kiddy ride. 

Awesome. 

My kids are not the most physically brave kids in the universe. Blame it on the genetics from their mom’s side of the family. We have been working on teaching them to be braver and more adventurous. So far, it seems to be working. 

At one point, we rode the tea cups. As a younger person, I could have ridden the tea cups all day. I had a stomach of steel. As an adult, however, one ride is my limit. My stomach can only handle the spinning for a finite amount of time and it appears that my limit is the length of one ride. 

If you have never ridden the tea cups, or perhaps if you have never really thought about the engineering of how they work, let me lay it out for you. You sit in a round seat, decorated like a tea cup. It spins on a pole that has a circle on the top. Teenagers can use this circle as a steering wheel of sorts to haul the cup around in even faster circles, should they so choose. The typical five year old child, however, does not have the strength to stop the spinning by holding on to that steering wheel. They are dragged uncomfortably around as they attempt unsuccessfully to slow it all down. It’s not a fun experience. 

When the ride began, and the spinning began, my daughter grabbed on to the steering wheel. She hadn’t anticipated how fast the spinning would feel to her and she wanted to slow it down. Her eyes got wider and wider in despair as her attempts to control the spinning failed. She looked and me and yelled (over the noise of the ride) “mommy, it’s going too fast!” Without thinking, I reached over to her, took her hand, smiled and yelled back. “Take my hand. Let go of the wheel. Sit back and enjoy the ride!”

And she did. Instantly. She took my hand and held it. Shockingly, she wasn’t even gripping it, just holding it comfortably. She sat back, tucked up her legs to get comfy and looked around. She smiled serenely as her hair blew around her face.  At that particular moment, all I could think about was how beautiful she looked, calmly content in amongst all the chaos and movement.

 It’s the same gorgeous look my son had on his face while on the swings. You know… where they put you in your own little seat and turn the center so that all the swings fly around the carousel like center.  Many kids grin and giggle on those rides, but not my son. He gets calm in a way that is uncommon for him. He gets still and he is almost never still while awake. His face finds this beautiful resting position. His eyes open and alert, sparkling. His gaze on the beautiful view. His gorgeous little lips formed in a tiny up curl. His adorable, skinny little legs swinging in the breeze, free of tension or intentional movement. Being a very active little dude, this state of stillness is a beautiful sight for me. I took a mental photograph and stored it in my heart. 

I have always struggled with calm in a storm. I wasn’t raised in a way that would have infused this skill by nurture and I doubt that my nature would have taken to it easily anyways. I’ve gotten better at it over the years with intentional hard work, but I still have a ways to go. 

My kids, however, are not going to have that struggle. They are only 5 years old and they are already learning to let go and let life take them on a ride. They are already somewhat able to sit back and give up control of the steering wheel from time to time.  As their mom, this gives me a sense of accomplishment. After all, isn’t it really our ultimate goal in life to NOT pass on our own struggles to our children? 

I can’t wait to see where this skill will take them in life.