Not in the mood...

I picked my kids up from school today, in front of the school as the teachers opened the doors and let the kids out. My son was all smiles. My daughter, however, was pouting. I gave her a hug and asked her what the problem was. 

Her: “I wasn’t in the mood to be the notebook helper”.

Me: “Huh?”

So, I asked her teacher what it meant to be the notebook helper. Apparently, one of the many classroom jobs (the notebook helper) is to hand out the notebooks to the class so they can put them in their backpacks at pack up time. Only in preschool, right? 

And at that moment, I knew what had to happen. So, I looked the teacher right in the eyes, praying that she would see my intent to educate my daughter and not to question her authority. It worked. 

Me: “Teacher, when a student is told to do their job, is it a choice to say no?”

Teacher: (with a smile) “No, it’s their job.” 

Then she looked my daughter directly in the eye. 

Teacher: “Honey. Remember what we talked about? Sometimes we don’t have a…. choice.”

My daughter was unable to speak. She was too busy sticking out her bottom lip and trying not to cry. I made her apologize to her teacher, who graciously accepted her apology and assured her that Monday would be better. We walked to the car. 

My daughter: (Unwilling to lose) “mommy, I wasn’t in the mood!”

And so I started talking…

“Honey, not being in the mood is not a good reason to not do as you are asked. What if mommy wasn’t in the mood to go to the supermarket? How would you feel when your favorite foods weren’t in the kitchen? What if I wasn’t in the mood to do laundry or make dinner? How would you eat and wear clean clothing? What if I wasn’t in the mood to get up and help you when you needed help? How would you feel about my not helping you?”

While she was pouting, she was also clearly listening. So I continued…

“We all have to do things we are not in the mood to do. It’s part of making good choices and being a big kid. When you don’t do what you are supposed to do, it’s not fair to other people. What would your friends do if they didn’t have their notebooks? I’m sorry it makes you sad but it’s not a choice. And I love you.” 

I suppose it’s the right time to have this conversation with a kid. My twins are almost 5 and they are able to understand some basic concepts of responsibility. They can see the consequences of their actions, if the reaction is quick enough to occur in their attention span, and they can see when their choices make people sad or angry. While the conversation above was with my daughter, in relation to her actions, my son struggles with the same lack of follow through on actions that don’t pique his interest. His response isn’t any more responsible than hers. And it doesn’t hurt for him to hear the conversation either. 

I guess it’s all part of growing up, right? Teaching our kids to have tougher skin and to learn how to follow the rules. And better now than later, when the adults have less patience for the learning curve. 

 It’s hard to be a kid.  

Dear Congress...

Dear Congress 

As a mom of two young children, a wife of a government employee and a college educated woman, I wanted to thank you.

I consider my job as parent to be an extremely difficult job, and I endeavor to participate in as much professional development as possible. I follow the news and I talk to my children about their leaders. I have explained to them, on many occasions, that watching your leaders is an excellent way to know right from wrong. 

Recently, my children have learned many valuable lessons from watching you. Let me provide you some examples. 

1-      They have learned that when they don’t agree with somebody, they should stand their ground. To the end. Never negotiate. Regardless of the cost. Thank you for bestowing this lesson on my children. It will serve them well on the playground when their entire class gets grounded for their behavior.  

2-      They have learned that apologizing or stepping back to reevaluate an earlier choice is a sign of weakness and that they should NEVER do so. This is working especially well in their battles with me and their father in the house.

3-      They have learned that communication is important, except when they really care. Oh, and when they know they’re right. Like, when my daughter KNEW that she had been playing with the toy cars before my son entered the room. On that occasion, or occasions like that, she doesn’t have to communicate. Yelling and stomping is significantly more successful.

4-      Blaming your opponent is far more important than understanding and/or fixing the problem. For example, my son successfully spent a significant time crying and whining about how he had been wronged by his sister. At no point did he work on sharing or taking turns. We were quite proud of him. 

Raising my children right is important to me and I sincerely want to thank you for helping me impart these lessons to my children. Without your guidance and representation, I may have mistakenly asked them to communicate or negotiate. They may have shared or apologized, and that would be terrible.

After all, aren’t YOU in the job of representing us and who we strive to be? 

Sincerely,

Lisa Booth

Stay at home mom of two young kids and wife of currently unpaid husband