I'll do it myself!

My parents tell a story. They think I was about 3 at the time. We were at a planetarium and they (obviously) have to turn out all the lights to see the stars. I got scared and my dad had to take me out. As we sat outside, he looked at me and asked me why I had been scared. He told me “nobody else was scared”.

As the story goes, I looked at my dad, stared him directly in the eyes and stated. “Well… they are them and I’m me.”.Hmmm…. I told him.

 And I had told him. I had told him exactly who I am. I didn’t care what someone else did or did not like. They were them and I was me. I could like or not like whatever I chose. So there.

 The other day, after nap, my daughter was sitting at the table eating a goldfish snack. She was focused in that fun way. She was picking up each and every goldfish and telling me about its travels before she ate it. One fish was swimming to school and another was swimming to chick-Fil-A. Yet another fish was jumping in and out of the pretend water. Such creativity in that little mind.

I gazed at her and realized that no little girl had ever been so beautiful.

So, I asked her. “Honey, are you mommy’s beautiful girl?” She smiled at me and proudly stated. “No! I am MY girl!” Ahhh… Like mother like daughter. She wasn’t MY anything. She was all HERS. Hmmmm… I wonder where she got that particular personality trait. Certainly NOT from me… J (Insert sheepish expression here)

I am so in for it when she’s a teenager. If I need a glass of wine now, I’ll need the whole bottle to myself then. Sigh.

My son has strength of individuality, but he doesn’t quite display it the same way. I don’t imagine that he would “tell me” like she did. He’s like his dad. He’d probably sit quietly, listen to me, then go do whatever he felt was right for him without calling attention to himself. That’s what he does now.

I wonder which way is healthier?

What ARE they thinking?

My children are in preschool this year, their first year. I love their school and the benefits they are reaping from being there.  I read the daily reports from the teacher and I want to go to school with them. How fun it must be!

As I was thinking about next year (yes, it’s that time again…) I started the process again. This time, much more confident and in control. Instead of feeling like the car was driving me, I felt like I was driving the car. The difference felt great.

But something very important occurred to me this time. My kids are so very fortunate. They have access to a level of intellectual stimulation that will allow their little child brains to grow so successfully. And it started early. When they were infants, we chatted to them while we held and rocked them… talk about what we were seeing, smelling and touching. When they got older, we counted steps while helping them navigate up and down, and teaching them numbers as well as practicing their gross motor skills.

In the car, we sing and talk about the sites around us.

And while I think it’s wonderful that our family is doing this, we are not the only ones. Thank goodness we’re not. There are millions of families out there, doing exactly the same thing, populating our planet with future thinkers.

We recently  took the kids to our local Air and Space museum. “Wow” is all I can say. It’s fantastic. It wasn’t the first time, but I always forget how cool it is. We told the kids about our trip the night before and my son ran for the door yelling “put my shoes on”. He wanted to go right away. He was seriously mad when he found out that he had to go to bed first, and wait till the next day. It was pretty funny

But once there, here’s what I noticed. Have you ever looked into the eyes of a happily stimulated child? They sparkle. They open wide and it seems like they never blink. Like they are afraid to miss something. They giggle and smile. And when they see something they like, their mouths freeze in the current position in awe.  You can practically see the neurons firing and intelligence and creativity expanding.

I just began teaching a really cool science fiction/fantasy world class for middle school age kids. We plan and write stories with our own fictional worlds. We create villain masks, and 3D maps of the worlds we create. How awesome is that?

The first class, we discussed the logistics of creating a successful world. We discussed character development and the necessity for detail orientation. We discussed the need for a clear and simple plot.

Then one of the kids raised his hand, tentatively. It was like he was concerned about the repercussions of his question.

I smiled encouragingly. “Do you have a question?”

He took a deep breath and narrowed his eyes in concentration. “Can our main character be our villain?”

I smiled. “Oh yes!”

He raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

I looked him directly in the eye. “Absolutely! And you know what else?”

His jaw dropped. There was more?

“What?” he asked.

“He can win.”

Total silence. Then suddenly, enormous smiles around the room. They got it. They believed me. It only took about 30 minutes into the first class, and they GOT IT.  They could basically create whatever they wanted, as long as it was appropriate and attention was paid to quality planning and thinking. From that point on, I got some fantastic ideas from the kids. One boy wanted to write about a planet made of dust and sand but is struggling with what the living population of the planet should look like. We didn’t have time to figure it out, but we’ll put some good mental energy into the solution next week. And no… I have no intention of giving him the answer. The solution will be all him. My job is to help him think… not think for him.

I wonder what kind of creative thought my kids will have when they are in middle school.  I’ll have to be very careful, between now and then, to not think for them. To help them think instead. To foster their creativity. After all, I don’t want to accidentally squash a great idea.

Invisible Fences

So, we put our kids into “big kid beds”. Ok, not really. What we really did was remove one side of their cribs, attach a safety bar (so they won’t roll out by accident) and attach a little step ladder to help them climb in and out.

That’s really just splitting hairs, though. They may be sleeping in the same sleeping structure as they previously did, but they are no longer trapped in bed. They could get out whenever they want. Hmmm….

My husband did the work while I was downstairs with the kids and when I saw him coming downstairs with two crib side rails in his hands, I sort of cringed. It was just as much my idea, but I cringed anyway. Goodbye peaceful adult time when the kids are in bed and not asleep. Hello kid proofing the bedrooms so that when they get out of bed and make a mess, it’s not dangerous. Just annoying.

We figured it would be a good idea to let them see their new beds before bedtime, so we asked them to come upstairs. My daughter took one look at her bed and starting giggling. She began jumping up and down. When we suggested she climb into her bed ALL BY HERSELF, she went nuts with joy. She spent the next 15 minutes climbing in and out of bed, alternating with running down the hall shrieking in absolute glee. My son was mildly hesitant initially, but once he saw my daughter’s reaction, he wanted to do the same with his bed.

When it came time for bed that night, they were pleased as punch to climb in ALL BY THEMSELVES. They were so proud.

But here’s the funny part. They didn’t get out of bed that first night. Or at their nap (or rather non-nap) the next day. They played in bed but never got out. You might say it’s because we told them not to and they are good at following rules. But they’re NOT good rule followers. In fact, they normally do the opposite of what we tell them these days. They are 3, after all. So here’ my theory on why they didn’t get out of bed.

I think they didn’t realize they could. I think it didn’t occur to them.  Tonight is night #2. So far so good. Not that I want my kids to see life as a series of limitations, but in this case… well… Yeah. I want them to see the limitations so I can relax.

And, as always… it got me thinking…

How many times have you been asked why you didn’t do something to solve a problem? You know. Something that would have helped you in a difficult situation. And when you are asked why you didn’t, you wanted to smack yourself on the forehead because you should have thought of it, but you didn’t. It just never occurred to you.

I know that I suffer from this “invisible barrier” way too often. I convince myself that something is out of my reach or I simply do not see a possible solution to my problem. I often lack creativity under significant stress.

My husband is the opposite. He does his best thinking under stress. It’s like the pressure ignites his creative planning instead of stalling it. I envy that, being the opposite. How fortunate he is. I’d love that have that trait. He’s the one who suggests that way “outside the box” solution that makes it all work out.

Our kids will love him for that.

I’m going to have to remember this, next time I find myself in the center of a complex problem. I will have to make a point of NOT getting stuck in my symbolic crib when I could easily just climb out. The solution might be just on the other side of the door.

The true definition of victory...

My son has many strengths, and they will no doubt propel him to many successes in his life. Patience, however, is not one of them. Especially patience for food when he’s really hungry. It’s like the waiting tortures him, the poor kid. His bottom lip protrudes and his whole face turns bright red. Tomato red, actually. Big alligator tears start to fall and his body goes limp. It probably would be funny if it weren’t my job to manage it in public. We have been working with him, attempting to teach him to wait. Maintain his frustration. Avoid emotional explosions.

 He loves Pizza. Ok, most people love pizza. But he REALLY loves it. He loves his food, but pizza is at the top of the list. No question.

 So we went to a birthday party at one of those cool jump places. I love those places. Huge inflatable structures to jump on, stairs to climb up and slides to slide down. How cool is that? Playtime was followed by a pizza lunch and cake. As we were entering the lunch/party room, the attendant informed us that pizza was already on the table, but the kids should wait to eat until we sang to the birthday girl.

 Oh crap. This was not going to go down peacefully.

 I took a deep breath and we entered. It’s fair to say that I entered with trepidation. My kids spotted the pizza and squealed with glee. They climbed up into their seats. My son reached for his food but I held his hand back gently. He yelled, objecting. I quietly explained to both my kids that we needed to wait for the birthday girl. My daughter acknowledged my words and waited, albeit reluctantly. My son… well… he needed to be asked again.  Bottom lip began to protrude and the red crept into his face. I took a deep breath. He started to cry. That little cry that leaves you with no doubt, this was only the beginning.

 I picked him up, hugged him, and felt his little body trembling. The big cry never came. At first I was shocked. And that was when it hit me. He was trying to control himself. He got it. He knew what we wanted from him and he was trying like hell to deliver it. His little body shook and his lips trembled. His big blue eyes filled up with tears and gazed at me pleading. He was asking me for help.

 And that was when my heart broke.

 We have all struggled with something that we could not quite control. Situations that invoke intense emotions despite our best efforts to hold them all back. As a middle school teacher I would often quietly ask a student if he/she wanted to go to the bathroom when I could see they were about to cry and were afraid to talk, lest they accidentally break their stoic façade. . They would escape gratefully ever time. I don’t know about you, but I hate crying in public. The feeling is bad enough without witnesses.  An audience is like adding insult to injury.

 And so, as I held my darling little son, I kissed his cheek and I rubbed his back. I assured him that I knew he was trying so hard to be patient and that he was such a good boy. I told him that I was proud of him, so proud of him. I told him that I loved him, so much. His eyes met mine and he knew. I swear he knew.

 We sang happy birthday and he got to eat his pizza. He consumed it with pride and was a model child for the remainder of the party. I think, in the grand scheme of things, that we are going to chalk this one up to a victory. He’s still such a little boy and his progress today was noteworthy.

 Oh, and to the mom of the birthday girl. The one who noticed the scene and sped up the process of singing Happy Birthday to ease my stress.  The one who made the needs of my son a priority despite the fact that the day was about her daughter. Thank you. Your willingness to help did not go unnoticed.

Feeding the soul...

I had to stop for gas the other day, and the kids were getting impatient. They wanted to go home. I had promised them something as a bribe to get them into the car and they were eager to have their reward. So, when I pulled into the gas station, they started to object bitterly. Like any normal mom, I was eager to avoid screaming, so I appealed to their logic and decided to explain why we needed to gas up the car.

I know… don’t laugh. First…logic in 3 year olds? Uhm, Right…. Second, how could you possibly explain the need to gas up a car to such a young child? But as a trained language teacher, I hold the firm belief that most concepts can be explained to most people. It’s all a matter of using the right language.

Here’s what I said.

I explained that our car was hungry and that if we didn’t give it food, it would stop going. I further explained that gas is the food that cars like best. Silence from the back of the car. I was about to really mock myself for even presuming that my words would have significance when, from the back of the car, came a little toddler voice.

“The car is hungry?” My daughter inquired?

“Yes” I confirmed, hiding my surprise. “The car is very hungry. If we don’t give it food, it won’t be able to take us home.”

She paused and narrowed her eyes in thought.

“And gas is food?” My daughter continued.

“Yes, honey.” I smiled at her. “Cars love to eat gas. It’s their favorite food.”

“Oh” she said. And smiled. She got it.

My son didn’t speak during the conversation, but his eyes were following us and processing the words the whole time. If I had to make an educated guess, based on his facial expressions, I think he understood as well.  At the very least, he nodded and smiled at the right times to make me believe so.

 I should have known that my kids would understand anything if I related it to food.

But it got me thinking. It got me thinking about the many different ways that we “go” and the different kinds of “food” that we need in order to facilitate that movement.

While this connection might seem random to some, it made sense to me. I firmly believe that this thought came to me because I have hit a point in my life where I recognize the vast amount of ME that has been lost in the process of becoming a mom of twins. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really complaining.  It’s just that before kids, I was pretty creative. I made jewelry. I loved to cook recipes with multiples steps and that required their own trip to the supermarket. In winter, I would spend most of a Saturday morning and afternoon cooking and listening to music. I even went through a phase, a few years back, of making my own candles and they looked pretty nice.  I read tons of books and could list off authors that I enjoyed and respected.

Now, not so much. Two infants don’t really leave you much time for personal enrichment, to put it mildly. With my kids starting preschool and getting older (and consequently more independent) I am starting to get back to being that previous form of me. But it takes work. And it takes food. Not in the literal sense, of course, but in the figurative sense.  The down time a brain requires to fuel such creativity just does not occur these days and the creative fatigue brought on by the inevitable survival mode does not facilitate the levels of creativity I used to reach. I just don’t get the opportunity to feed my soul the way I used to.

But it’s getting better every day. I’m back to making jewelry sometimes and writing time is back to being a priority. (Evidenced by this blog, of course). I’m feeding my creative brain as much and as often as I can and the progress feels wonderful.

There really are all kinds of food in life.

The toys every family must have!

Our house is a toy heaven, or maybe a toy hell. I guess it depends on your perspective. We have everything. And I do mean everything. We have books, puzzles and a train table covered in Thomas trains and wooden tracks. We have art supplies galore, trucks and cars and a trampoline. Dress up clothes and doll clothing. A toy kitchen chock full of plastic food and utensils. You name it, we have it. And it’s probably played with too… which is what makes it so hard to do a big cleanout. Every time I am just about to declare a toy finished, my kids find it again and thwart my plans. Maybe I’m just a big softie.

 We have been teased that we should open a daycare. Although I have no interest in running such a business, we could certainly be prepared on the material front. While my kids are not brats, they certainly are spoiled. My only comfort is that they get more hugs, kisses and discipline than toys, so we’re not doing too much damage.  I hope.

That said, every family needs a certain number of toys to ensure their survival in day to day life. Especially on those days when leaving the house isn’t an option.

What are these essential toys, you ask? I’ll let you in on my bizarre and personal perspective on the issue.

1-      A Zen toy. Yes, you read it right. A “Zen” toy. This is a toy that transports your child into their Zen mode, makes their body relax and their mind ignite. Every kid has one, or maybe more than one. My son finds this in his train table. He could spend hours at his train table, “huffing and puffing” his trains around with a quietly content smile. You know… the smile that lights up the eyes and only lifts the corner of the mouth slightly. My daughter, until recently, didn’t have a Zen toy. She thoroughly enjoyed her toys, but none reached the Zen potential. Then, for Christmas, she was given a “Littlest pet shop” tree house toy. She loves it. Lies on the floor, on her side, putting her little animals in and singing quietly to herself. Her face rests into pure relaxation and her eyes shine with pleasure. For both my kids, it’s a priceless quiet. Not only is it low volume, but it’s the sound of tranquility.

2-      A really great noisy toy. I know… noisy toys are a no-no. They induce headaches in adults. Some of them don’t even have off switches so they start up with the slightest unintentional bump. And at the worst times. Oh, like, just when you FINALLY got the kids settled down and convinced them to go upstairs for bed. Nothing like the sounds of that noisy toy to remind them that fighting bedtime is fun.

On the other hand, the right noisy toy can bring hours of entertainment if properly chosen and implemented. For Christmas, we put together a wish list. On said list, we added a music set. A really loud one. Cymbals, a triangle, a tambourine, and wooden sticks to hit together. When you add it to the drum and maracas we already had, we have a veritable child band. A parade. And wow, is it loud. Especially the cymbals, which my son loves to bang together gleefully while giggling madly. I joke about his being the energizer bunny. My daughter loves to pound on the drums while singing her own personal version of Elmo’s song. It may be loud, but it’s wonderful. A treat, despite the volume.

3-      A technology based toy that allows you to accomplish an entire task (one that takes more than 10 minutes) without being interrupted multiple times. I know. It’s bad to put your child in front of Elmo/Thomas/Mickey Mouse just to get something done. Or is it? I know that some days we would have no dinner if it weren’t for Thomas or Mickey Mouse on TV. It keeps my kids happy, keeps them away from the kitchen (i.e. safe), and keeps them distracted enough to forget how much fun it is to hit each other and steal toys while taunting blatantly (i.e. saving dinner from being burned to a crisp). It also helps on the days when our imposed schedule makes a nap impossible, but the kids still need their down time to avoid major crankies. We put on some Thomas and cuddle on the sofa. Peace is restored. All is well.

4-      The perfect car toy. You know… the toy that lives in the car and keeps the kids happy while you are driving them to lunch or some other time when they are waiting for something that will satisfy a desperate need. For my kids, hunger is that desperate need. Every time.

You would laugh if you saw our perfect car toys. Really. Last year, about Valentine’s Day, Target started selling these wire flowers covered by fuzzy material. They cost 1$ each and they came in a few different colors. I bought a few and put them in the car. For a year now, these cheapo flowers have been our faithful companions. They are beloved and they are the victims of unlimited creativity. They dance and they fly. They even sing sometimes. But the funniest is when they bounce along to the song of the day. It’s great!  The best few dollars I ever spent.

I mean really. We adults obsess over our toys. (Cars, computers, shoes…) Why can’t our kids?

Ibble dibble to you too!

What’s that you say? Ibble dibble? Such nonsense! Exactly. Let me elaborate.

The first time I went to England with my (now) husband/ (then) boyfriend, he warned me in advance. His family plays party games.  “Party games? I inquired. “What kind of party games?” Well, as it turns out, they not only partake in a myriad of party games, it’s sort of like their own religion. It’s a passion, really. An essential tradition. It’s like they’re proclaiming “Hey, I know I’m not a kid anymore. But it’s the holiday season and I WILL act like a child if I want to, damn it!”

Maybe that’s why I like them so much.

 It’s utterly hilarious. They even have a home grown game where the loser ends up with a face full of baking flower. Yup, you betcha. Maturity at its best, I assure you. Uhmm, maybe not.

But I digress. Ibble dibble.

Ibble dibble is a group game, much like Thumper, for those of you that chose to involve yourself in drinking games in your past. The group sits in a circle and each person is assigned a number, moving sequentially around the room.

The person who is assigned #1 is not simply #1. They are “Ibble dibble #1”, of course. And it goes like this.  #1 looks at #5 (or another number if they so choose) and says “Ibble dibble number 1 with no dibbles to Ibble dibble number 5 with no dibbles”.

What’s a dibble? I’m so glad you asked.

A dibble is a round black mark on your forehead, created by the furious rubbing of a cork that has been burned to have an ashy finish.

How do you get a dibble? Good question! Your thinking cap is firmly on today!

You get a dibble when you make any mistakes. If you stammer over a word or say the wrong word. Or if you pause too long. You also are “dibbled” (yes, like Google, “to dibble” is now a verb) if you incorrectly identify the number of dibbles acquired by yourself or the person you are addressing. The game continues with people laughing hysterically and acquiring dibbles. The last person to be without dibbles is the winner. Given that we are all typically drinking, or considered by society to be young and immature, mistakes are not hard to come by.

The really intriguing part of the game, for me, is the manner in which the Ibble dibble statement is delivered. Some people proclaim their lack of dibble status with quiet pride, while others deliver it with attitude. One of the cousins actively moves her head side to side as she artfully avoids dibbles. We tease her mercilessly about this. She loves it. If the player speaking has less dibbles than the one they are addressing you might hear. “Ibble dibble with NO dibbles to Ibble dibble with TWO dibbles!” Huge emphases on the number of dibbles, as if to remind the other person that THEY have screwed up and YOU have not.

The “dibbler” is also quite the political job. Yes, dibble even takes a noun/subject form. Logically, the dibbler is the one who applies the dibbles. How forceful that person is, and if they apply the same force with everyone, makes HUGE statements. Our local dibbler is one of the youngest in the group and she takes this job quite seriously. It provides her a position of power that she might not otherwise have. She loves it, won’t give it up for anything.

I got curious about the origin of the game and looked it up. Ok, I’ll be totally honest. I wondered if my husband’s wonderfully insane family just made it up. Turns out they didn’t. According to my Google sources, the game started in France. Instead of “Ibble dibble”, the players are spotted cows. Oh yes… Spotted cows. “La vache qui tache”, to be more specific. It rhymes in French, but not in English, so they changed it to another nonsense expression. The spotted cow does make sense, though.  I mean really… can imagine a bunch of grown adults with black circles across their foreheads?

Ibble dibble. It’s part of what makes Christmas what it is. And I wouldn’t change it if I could.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year... What are your resolutions?

Today, we were driving in the car, listening to a Disney Christmas CD. Yes, it is as nauseating as you imagine it would be. Goofy singing “all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth” could actually put a woman over the edge. But it keeps the kids quiet and that goes a long way in my world.

 So, we’re driving along and my daughter asks for the song “twinkle, twinkle, Shabbat light. To clarify, this is the tune of “twinkle, twinkle, little star” with the words rewritten for my kids’ Jewish preschool when they celebrate Shabbat.  I almost laughed out loud. It should come as no surprise to me, but my kids don’t get that Jewish Shabbat and Christian Christmas have no real relationship.  Reminded me of bilingual kids that start a sentence in one language, finishing in another… totally unaware that this might cause confusion for some.

We are officially raising our kids inter-faith! Pretty cool, if you ask me.

So, here we are. It’s the holiday season. Thanksgiving has passed and Christmas is rapidly approaching. The air is getting nippy and evidence of the holiday season has erupted everywhere the eye can see.

I LOVE the holiday season. I adore it. The air feels warmer, ironically, as the temperature is actually dropping. (At least where I live…) People are nicer, somehow. And I don’t think that it’s an act. I firmly believe that most people are nice, given the opportunity to slow down and actually see the world they inhabit. But there’s something about the holiday season that brings out the desire to focus on community and sharing. I’ve never actually completed an unbiased study, but my day to day perception is that we are all more likely to hold a door open, smile at a stranger or take an action that will benefit another person even when it poses no benefit to us.

Oh, and I simply adore the tradition of holiday cards. Especially now with the variety of choices for photo cards. All these people spread out geographically, who never see their friends’ kids grow bigger… once a year, we get to see what their family looks like and do a mini catch up on their lives. When we put the cards up on the wall, it’s like we spend our hours surrounded by loved ones. Priceless.

In past blogs, I spent a little time talking about New Year’s resolutions, claiming that these resolutions are often better placed on birthdays. A more personal start and end to the year, one that you share with only a select few. This year, however, my kids just turned 3 and WOW are they 3. Both of them. At the SAME TIME. While I love my twins, it’s sort of a cruel joke. I mean, think about it. BOTH KIDS firmly in the “do it myself” stage, long before they can actually do “it” successfully or within any rational time frame.  Tantrums from both kids because they have wrong color chair… really? Isn’t one of them supposed to be posing different problems, so that my insanity can encompass some variety? Hmmm….

But I mention this not to gripe. I mention it to repent, in a bizarre sort of way. My kids are driving me a little nutty, and I haven’t been as calm in response to this feeling as I would like. I know… we’ve all been there. And I know… I’m probably doing a better job than I am giving myself credit for. This isn’t a new conversation. But I’d like to do better and the approaching New Year has me thinking about change.  New Year’s resolutions are on the brain.

The problem with change, I believe, is the following. We are not who we are as a result of what we do. I actually think it’s the opposite cause and effect. We do what we do as a result of who we are.  So, consequently, if we are to change our actions we have to begin with the most basic and essential questions, posed inward. And we have to answer ourselves honestly. We are obligated to evaluate the parts of ourselves that allow and encourage us to make the choices we make, and to recognize the consequences of these choices.

If we truly want to make changes, then we can’t focus on our actions. We need to focus on our needs and incentives. Simply putting in a calendar reminder to go to the gym doesn’t help me get physically fit. I know that I should go. It’s in my head. When I don’t go, it’s not because I forgot, like an innocently forgotten item on the shopping list. I didn’t forget. For better or worse, I simply did not make it a priority. If I want that to change, I need to rearrange my priorities… and that’s probably the hardest thing to do. For all of us.

So, as 2011 comes to a close and 2012 begins, I would like to extend a wish to each and every one of you!

May your holiday rejuvenate your spirits, so that you have the courage to make the necessary changes in your life.  May you have the perspective to know which agendas truly deserve your energy and attention, and which ones are best discarded in the interests of more sleep or relaxation.

And most importantly, may you have more happiness than stress in this holiday season, so that you begin the New Year refreshed… and ready to make the changes you dream about.

Hey there... my kids are 3. Does that make me an expert?

Hey folks… my kids just turned 3. In raising young kids terms, that practically makes me an expert. Right? Of course right!

 So, in the spirit of embracing my expert status, I’d like to share a few sniglets of knowledge that I have acquired in the last 3 years, thanks to my darling children.

1-      I’ve learned any child product that guarantees results must have some really tiny fine print. Especially if success requires cooperation on the part of the child. It’s like those “Your child will read or your money back” programs. Seriously? My kids, like most others, are not performance monkeys. The fine print probably says something like … “Your child will read (if you stand on your head for 12 consecutive hours and sing ‘Zippity do dah’ at the same time…” Good luck with that.

2-      I’ve learned that the best food to eat is whatever is on the adult’s plate. No, it doesn’t matter that it all got served from the same casserole dish. And no, they don’t care that the food on your plate hasn’t been squished and squashed like theirs, so you don’t want theirs. You want yours. Yours is better, plain and simple. And yes, occasionally you will find yourself eating your dinner off the little red Elmo plate while your child enjoys your un-mutilated meal off of yours. Sigh.

3-      If you have an hour and nothing is going to explode from neglect, take a nap. Don’t organize your kitchen. Don’t worry about your hair. Certainly do not complete a task for someone else that will cause you more stress, unless it’s really important. Take a nap, or at least find a way to relax some. Maybe check your email or chat on the phone. Ok… if organizing your kitchen is fun, go ahead. But nobody else cares about your kitchen, so certainly don’t do it for them.

4-      When your gut tells you that your one last “really quick” errand might not be the wisest of ideas, you might want to cut your shopping trip short. Most, if not all, of my disastrous errands were ones that I desperately wanted to accomplish so I ignored the writing on the wall. Go me for wanting to accomplish all the items on my list!

5-      Don’t change clothing in the middle of the day, unless you are attending a formal event or the weather makes the mess a larger issue. Wet stains in the middle of winter, for example, are not the best idea. Otherwise, feel free to be like me. You know… the mom with the messy kids in Target. Most of lunch got wiped off. That’s not too bad. The majority of the remaining chocolate is up the nose, to be later removed in the pre sleep bath. Awesome. Let’s go shopping while we’re all still in a good mood.

6-      Sleep is paramount. It comes above all other activities. At least this is true in my house. Think about how you feel with little sleep, and then delete the life experience that has given you maturity. Yup, that’s your kid. I know people that play with sleep, and they do get more done than I do. But they don’t get it for free. In my world, screw the errand. I want my kids to sleep.

7-      Sometimes the discomfort of the solution is far better than the discomfort of the problem. In my existence, the diaper bag is a perfect example. It gets a little heavy sometimes, but I don’t mind. Why? Because it contains the essentials to thwart the vast majority of tantrums. Thirsty? Have no fear. I have juice boxes. Hungry? Hold on a second while I dig for a veritable variety of yummy snacks. You made a mess? No worries… I’ve got wipes.  I couldn’t care less about the slight ache in my back. It’s far less annoying than the ache in the head from kid whining. At least to me.

8-      Ignoring gets a bad rap. Sometimes, it’s essential. Like, oh… for example… recently on a Costco trip. My son’s incessant whining was driving me crazy so I simply ignored him. He yelled. He writhed. He made a scene. I shopped. Paid him no mind. Tantrum didn’t last long and his sister got a ton of attention and praise for a being a wonderful “big girl”. Woo hoo… two points for mommy.

9-      Your needs, as an adult, are not as immediate as you think. Sure, you’re hungry. You’ll live. And do you really know how long you can hold it when you have to pee? A long time… I assure you. When my kids were in the stage of the huge double stroller and some bathrooms didn’t have a handicapped stall big enough for the stroller, I learned this the hard way. Fun? Not so much. But it was educational. And it was HUGE for character building.

To those of you that have children much younger than mine…let this educate you on at least one mom’s perspective of where you are going.

To those of you that have children older than mine…  Well, I’ll keep looking out for your blog, so that I can get a better perspective on my future. J

Wait... they understood that?

I am officially organized for my kids’ 3^rd birthday party. So much to think about. It has my head reeling. No, not the planning, mind you. We’re keeping it pretty simple. No fancy food, no elegant location, no expensive party favors. You know… Costco is catering with chips and dips.  The local supermarket is providing the cake. Like I said, keeping it simple… just the way mommy likes it.
So why is my head reeling? I’m so glad you asked.

I can’t believe they’re turning 3. Weren’t they born yesterday? That’s what it feels like sometimes. And as they get older, I am blown over by the capacity to understand that my children exhibit. And the way this capacity increases daily, or at least it seems to me.

Their sense of imagination has exploded, to the point that when we see a “broken” truck (i.e. the cab of the truck without a trailer attached… all the wires showing) my daughter is convinced that dinosaurs will fix it. She says it with total certainty. She KNOWS that it’s true. My son makes everything into a moving vehicle, makes bent legs mountains and is completely certain that everything he can’t see is hiding somewhere funny.

When Halloween was in the air, they were constantly taking in all the pumpkins and witches and they seemed to be really enjoying it. I had told them about trick-or-treating many times now and I think they got it. Unlike last year, when they had no clue, this year they really enjoyed it. How cool is that? They may even be looking forward to Christmas on some level.

In terms of daily functioning, their expanding comprehension is quite often a blessing. They now grasp a sense of time, when it’s put in terms of events. Recently, when my husband was away, I had a morning off while the babysitter came. When I told the kids I was going “to work”, they looked panicked. (For the record, I wasn’t going to work. I was going to Target, but I wasn’t going to tell them that. They would want to go with me, and the whole point was for me to go ALONE.) I quickly reassured them that I wouldn’t be gone long and that I would be home for lunch. They both paused, dramatically. “Lunch with mommy”, they asked me. “Yes, lunch with mommy” I confirmed. They stared me down for a moment, until they decided that I was to be believed and relaxed. Panic finished… they understood when I was coming home. Well, sort of anyways.

 And as much as I hate to admit it, I like that they now have a good grasp on behavior and consequences. The proof? When I threaten to implement the consequence of an unwanted behavior, that “oh shit” look crosses their faces and they stop. (Well… most of the time anyways). When I was forced to drag them away from a lunch line at a local farm, to the car, they knew why they had to wait for their lunch and couldn’t eat with their friends. They understood that, had they listened to Mommy even remotely, we would not have left. Will they repeat said behaviors? Of course! But that’s evidence of immaturity and impulsivity, not understanding.

 I look forward to watching their understanding expand as they get older and “wiser”. I look forward to observing their reactions and hearing the answers they give to my questions.

Should be interesting!!!