Life is good...

If you ask some women, they’ll tell you that they dreamed about their wedding day since they were young girls. They knew what kind of dress they wanted, what kind of flowers, and they probably had a vague idea of the location. Maybe a beach. Maybe on a mountain. Perhaps in a rose garden. Regardless, they had a plan.

I was NOT one of those women. When I got engaged and started planning a wedding, I had no pre-conceived notions. This made it much easier to feel satisfied with the details that took formation. I had no childhood dreams to match, dreams that were formed before I knew what a budget was or just how expensive the details can get.  It made it easier to plan the wedding that was truly “ours”, and not mine.

And I have to say, our wedding was awesome. The air felt light; there was happy chatter all around and all of our pictures show smiling faces. Even the faces in the background that didn’t know the photo was being taken. The fact that the location was lovely didn’t hurt, but it isn’t what made the wedding beautiful.

This is not to say, however, that I was without dreams.  When I thought about my upcoming adulthood, I had a very clear image of what I wanted. I wanted a house, with a backyard. I wanted kids, more than one but less than five. In my little dream, my husband was there too, playing with the kids.  My kids were making an enormous amount of happy noise and the weather was good. (Hey, if you had a daydream, would you make it rain? I think not…)

The point is, I dreamed about my life, my marriage, my family… not my wedding. The wedding was, as a child and an adult bride, simply an event and a celebration.

I was reminded of this dream, recently, on a gorgeous summer day in our backyard. Let me tell you about our backyard. Quite simply, when a child dreams of heaven, they see our backyard. At least I would. We have a fenced in yard with a big play set, a sandbox and ride on toys. There is a little semi-enclosed clubhouse underneath the tower of the play set. Our deck is a combination of a big lower deck and an upper screened in porch. The lower deck is COVERED in outside toys, a water table, a plastic toy house and a blow up baby pool. A big umbrella protects one corner from the hot sun.  The screened in porch is ideal for playing outside on rainy days and at that hour when the bugs come out, at dusk. What else could a kid want?

Last week, I had a friend over for a playdate. We sat in the corner, under the big umbrella, and watched the four two year olds run and play happily. While we had to pay attention and give occasional assistance, the kids mostly played independently and contentedly, in nothing but swim diapers. My friend and I couldn’t be bothered to get bathing suits out of the wash, so we kept it simple. Even my daughter, the only girl of the group, didn’t have a bathing suit on. What’s the point? She looked so happy in her swim diaper and pony tail, I didn’t have the heart to impose a bathing suit upon only her. It’s not like she has anything to hide yet. As a girl who likes her freedom (myself) it’s against my religion.

What a wonderful morning.

I got to thinking about the little daydreams I had about my adulthood and it hit me. This was it. I have two kids, both happy (most of the time) and healthy. I have a husband who is a family man, and enjoys being with us. We are not simply an obligation to him, we are his family. I will never take that for granted. Our house is one that allows us to play, learn and grow.

Maybe that’s why I find myself to be a happy person, despite the fatigue associated with being the stay at home mom of two toddlers. Despite the challenge I find in creating a home/work balance that stays stable enough for moderate comfort. Maybe that’s why I find it so easy, most days, to smile at my kids in a way that gives them no doubt of their worth. I may not always refrain from yelling, but we always kiss, hug and make up. (I tell myself that I am teaching my kids to apologize… A worthy skill, right?) Every night, when I go to bed, I am grateful for the day that has passed and optimistic for the day that will arrive when I wake up.

Life is good…