We were questioning our children, trying to figure out what they know, when my daughter came up with an absolutely hilarious response. When asked if she was a girl or a boy, she proudly announced that she was a “goy”. For those of you that don’t know the term “goy”, it’s a term for a non-Jewish person, and it’s not typically used in a complimentary way if the conversation is a serious one. In joking, well, all bets are off.
When she said it, I laughed out loud, really loud. Actually, I sort of snorted. My husband chuckled lightly. He’s not Jewish. The joke was lost on him. He just found it amusing that she had combined the two words, a common mistake of kids her age. When I enlightened him, he smiled, chuckled again… but it never got funnier for him. Once you need to have the punch line explained, the joke has already failed. And it got me thinking about humor and culture.
I have always enjoyed traveling, seeing the world and meeting new people. I thrive off the excitement of a new adventure and eagerly await that next conversation, where I will be exposed to a new theory and point of view. I take pride in, at the very least, trying to see every situation from the different possible view points. As an educator, and speaker of multiple languages, this serves me well.
But I also take comfort in those conversations with those that are “like me”, where I don’t have to explain anything. Where I don’t have to finish the sentence because everyone already knows how it’s going to end. It feels nice, relaxing, stabilizing. Maybe this is why so many of us tend to stick to our “own kind”.
This is not to say that our “own kind” is always based in religion. Quite the contrary. These groups can be formed by many different criteria. It can be nationality, race, profession, place of residence, level of education, topic of study or lifestyle… just to name a few. Many years ago I went to see a comedian in Boston who commented on being brave and evidenced this bravery by his willingness to ride a certain line of the local subway, the green line. I was astute enough to figure out that the green line might not be idea for drinking a cup of hot coffee, but it wasn’t funny to me. Years later, when I lived in Boston, I figured out what he meant, (and he was right) but I never regained the humor of the moment. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.
A long time ago, during my university studies, I took a religion class that felt more like a mix of religion and sociology. Later, while getting a master’s in education, I took a class that dealt with the social environment in schools, particularly how it related to minority populations. I remember feeling very sad looking at the statistics, wondering why so many people that are indentified as minorities were so unwilling to branch out. Looking back, I recognize how naïve that point of view really was. Not only was I missing the point that non-minorities suffer from the same tendencies, but I was missing a larger point as well. They wanted to be with people who understood them. They wanted to feel safe. It’s hard to criticize that desire, even if the end result was a bit isolating.
I find myself looking at myself, my friends, and my social tendencies. Is that what I do? I guess, to some degree, I must. To some extent, we all do it. We spend time with our friends, who we meet at the locations we choose to go. We select our locations based upon something that is inherent to whom we are. Is that so terrible? I guess it depends if we limit ourselves in the process.
I find myself wondering about the future of my children. In a previous blog, I had commented that my kids enjoy smiling at many different kinds of people. But does this really mean what I think it means or I am giving this particular observation too much power? Is this consistent with the friends they will choose? Will their friends look like them or will there be a larger variety? Will they be the same religion? Have similar lifestyles at home? I wonder…
As I look to the future, for my children and for myself, these are the things I ponder. I look forward to seeing the answers.
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