Control Freaks United!

I would love to tell you that I am great at giving up control of the details that surround daily life at home with the kids. I would love to tell you that I eagerly and happily let my husband do whatever he wants with the kids (after all, they are his kids too) and never question his methods.

But I would be lying.

As a younger person I was not entirely a control freak, at least not in the traditional way. I was adamant that someone, someone capable, be in control although it didn’t have to be me. If it wasn’t my domain of power, I would happily hand the baton to another who was more deserving. In some ways, (at work, for example) I am still like that. In other ways, well… not so much.

When it comes to my home, my kids, my routine… I am a control freak. I confess!!! Why? Because I am terrified of the pieces I will have to pick up if I let too much go. My husband is much more relaxed about, well, almost everything. This is one of the reasons we are such a good pair. If it weren’t for him, we wouldn’t have a pension and if it weren’t for me, we wouldn’t have the social network we enjoy. He loves order and l thrive on a certain level of chaos. We are the best thing that ever could have happened to each other.

That does not mean, however, that his relaxed attitude towards daily life doesn’t drive me crazy. I am constantly wondering how he can NOT see that breaking the routine will make my life monumentally harder on Monday morning and he is constantly pondering my anal retentive rules and rituals that govern our daily lives.

Sound familiar? I’m guessing yes…

Ironically, I am not a control freak when it comes to our part time nanny. This past semester I worked a significant number of hours and I didn’t micro manage her at all. (at least I don’t think I did). I know that she does things her own way and it doesn’t bother me at all. I have two possible theories to explain this phenomenon.

1-      As the boss, I have had the luxury of being very clear about my overall agenda and she (the children not being her kids) doesn’t feel the need to alter that agenda. She understands that the parents of children have the right to their views on the raising of their child and follows the guidelines beautifully. I only have to ask/say something one time and it’s done. I LOVE THIS!

2-      She and I are very alike in personality and overall functioning in life. We are both very independent spirits. We don’t mind being given instructions, but we both HATE being micro managed. We don’t mind being told to do something a specific way, but we appreciate being told why. Simple, right? This allows us to get along very well, as people and friends in addition to our professional relationship. It also means that she often understands my logic, making it easier to follow without annoyance or resentment. She once told me that my rules, while there are many of them, aren’t random. They are all connected to a process that has been extensively tested. If I don’t want something done a certain way, it’s because I have tried it that way and the end result was a disaster. I love that she gives me the benefit of the doubt that way.

I woke up one morning this week with an ankle that wasn’t quite right, but I ignored it. After all, I had a day to start. By naptime it was more uncomfortable. By bedtime I couldn’t walk on it. Crap! I don’t have time for this. By 11pm I was on my way to the ER with a friend visiting from out of town and 5 hours later we came home with my leg in an air cast, crutches and no diagnosis for the pain. The next day I still couldn’t walk on it. Arghhh. Did I mention that I don’t have time for this?

My issue with this is very non bratty. I’m not thinking “poor me”. Actually, when I was at the ER, I could see the room across from where I was treated and the little I saw didn’t look good. My guess is that someone is going to be planning a funeral very soon, based on the quiet and concerned faces that exited the room. Either that or surgery and a LONG recovery. How so very sad, and useful for putting my silly injury into proper perspective.  

I do, however, have an issue with the fact that not being able to walk takes away my potential to care for my kids. Yuck. Double yuck. And… it puts me in a position that I find highly uncomfortable. I need to sit back and let my husband run the show while I am there to observe. I’m not sure this is a natural occurrence.  I know that he does it his way when I’m away, and that’s fine. But while I’m watching? I can’t even step in, literally. I can’t walk over and intervene. Perhaps this is for the best, because if I could I would probably intervene too often and question his authority. Not nice, I know, but hard to avoid.

Maybe there’s some sort of fate mixed up in this situation? I know that my husband has been getting more irritated at me lately, wanting me to back off a bit. Ironically, now I have no choice. Maybe I’ll use this as an excuse to take my first “steps” and meet him half way. Wish me luck!