Don't judge a book by its cover...

We’ve all heard it said before, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”. And it’s true. First impressions are rarely sufficient to tell us what we need to know. These impressions are either incomplete or downright incorrect.

When I was in college, I had a wonderful friend. She was beautiful, and I mean really beautiful. When she walked into a room, everyone stopped and looked, men and women. Unfortunately, she also had the inconvenient affliction of being very shy and introspective. When she walked in public, she retreated to a place deep in her thoughts, quite unaware of the world around her. Because she was graceful, she wasn’t clumsy. Many people who saw her made the incorrect assumption that she was a snob. After all, she didn’t say hello, she didn’t smile back. She MUST feel as if was better than the crowd. Right? No…Wrong… not even close to the truth. It never occurred to them that she might not have heard or seen them.  

The behavior that resulted from an unrecognized insecurity was constantly misread and many felt as if they were disliked by her, despite the fact that I had actually heard her speak highly of them.  I don’t imagine that she enjoyed this aspect of her personality.

Looking in the life inhabited by another person is quite the same experience. Unless you know what is really going on and how that person’s perspective fits into that equation, you have no idea what is really going on. Simply because that person lives a life that seems nonsensical to you does not mean it lacks sense for that person. It may well be the life they chose, and would choose again.

One of my closest friends is a prime example of this. To say that her life is chaos would be an understatement of gargantuan proportions. Her life is insane. Personally, you couldn’t pay me enough to live it. But she loves it, at least most of the time. She has brought it on herself by the choices that she has made and she would do it again, because the alternatives would suit her even less.

I recently took a friend’s twins for the morning. They are the same age as mine, more or less, and the 4 kids get along great. They play well, share well, and find many of the same things funny. While I don’t normally invite this level of chaos into my life, she desperately needed a morning to accomplish some vital life tasks and I had plenty of Tylenol. I also had plenty of Juice, PB & J, string cheese and goldfish. I went to bed early the night before, so I could begin the day rested as possible. I was set!

At the end of the morning, the playroom was chaos. Every toy, from miniature to enormous, was taken out and finding a path to walk was near impossible.  Looking at the end result, most adults would assume that the morning had been a catastrophe. In reality, the opposite was true. (See photo at bottom of page for evidence)

The morning was a joy. The kids were fantastic. We played; we sang with the Wiggles, we had a dance party. We constructed with Lego and built huge towers that were gleefully knocked down to the music of hilarious “uh-oh…”. We played “night nights” and dog piled/kid piled in the hallway giggling hysterically.(Ok, I didn’t physically join in that one…) We zoomed trucks and read books.  We drew pictures on the etch-a-sketch. The kids took turns having “uppies” and settled quickly for crowding my lap when more than one kid was in the mood for cuddles.  I took about 25 pictures. Yes, my hands were free for 25 pictures. Incredible.

No tantrums. Not a single one. When we ate snack and lunch, no food was thrown and everyone said “please” when they asked for more drink. (Ok, they said “please” when prompted, but that’s a technicality. They only had to be asked once. At age two, that’s no small accomplishment.) Really? Wow…

I took a picture of the room before I cleaned up, when the adorable visitors had gone home and my kids were in bed for nap.(And wow… did they sleep!) Despite the disastrous mess, I found myself smiling. I was tired but very content. I was not stressed out. And I didn’t take a single Tylenol.

Go figure.