Who's the better parent?

I came across an article the other day, written by a man, a father. I think that it was written around the time of father’s day, but I’m not certain. The title of the article stated that dads are better parents. I was annoyed by the title, but also intrigued. So I continued reading.

The article rubbed me the wrong way in the tone. It was competitive, for starters. Better parent? Really? I didn’t know it was a competition and that someone won? Beyond the kids winning, that is.  Or maybe he was just being ironic and the irony was lost on me? It was also very one sided, giving very little credit to the “mom” contribution to parenting. That definitely did not sit well with me, for obvious reasons.

That said, he raised some very interesting points. And many of them had significant validity.

He said that dads were more laid back, and he’s probably right. I know that it’s true in our house. My husband is much more likely to let something go, for better or for worse. Sometimes this irritates me and other times it makes me admire him. I wish I could do that as easily as he can.

The author also claimed that dads are better at roughhousing and simply making kids laugh. I’m going to guess that there’s truth to that statement as well. I roll around on the floor with the kids sometimes, but they are more likely to take a running jump onto daddy while laughing hysterically. Luckily, daddy is used to this and usually knows they’re coming, so he can catch them. J

He claimed that dads are more likely to represent an “unaltered” adult to the child. That is, he is more likely to model an adult that has time for himself and his own needs instead of being a child serving adult. That is most definitely true. My husband has significantly more energy to tend to his own human needs than I do. Most women I know would say this about their husband. Whether this is a good or bad thing is up for grabs, though. I suppose it depends on the moment and perspective.

The article hinted that dads have more patience than moms, but I didn’t necessarily agree with that one. If you take the perspective that a stay at home parent is more likely to be a woman, then men might be more patient, statistically. I know that I have a lot more patience for my kids when I have the opportunity to be away from them long enough to miss them. When I’m home all the time, my patience can be pretty short by the time daddy gets home. I need a break, and I need it quickly.

If you think about the capacity to calmly and patiently handle children that are unable to function productively and maturely, I vote for moms. Most dads I know run out of patience much more quickly.

As one half of a successful parenting partnership, I like to think of us as Yin and Yang when it comes to creating a complete life for our kids. To be totally honest, it makes me appreciate not being a single parent. No judgment, you understand, of single parenting. It’s just that I don’t envy any parent who must fill the roles of two adults, who must create a sense of balance from one perspective. That can’t be easy. 

I don’t really care that I provide everything my children need. I simply care that they are given access to what they need for a complete as possible upbringing. And I LOVE that I only bear half the responsibility of providing it.

My point? I have no interest in winning a “best parent” competition. I don’t want to be the better parent. I want US to be the best parents we can be. TOGETHER.