Ok, so this blog is going to reveal the emerging/thriving sci-fi geek in me, but that’s ok. I embrace it. Really.
We cancelled our cable a while back as we never really watched any of our 4 million channels anyway. We figured we could save some money each month, get Netflix on demand for the series that we liked and wanted to get updated on. Great decision, on all counts.
One of the series that we are currently addicted to is “Stargate Atlantis”. Basically, for those of you that are not up to my geek status, here’s what you need to know. A whole bunch of humans go through a stargate (a big circle that opens wormholes in space, so they can travel really far) and while in another galaxy they meet up with a terrible nemesis. These evil (and ugly) creatures don’t appear to have names. Oh, and on a side note, why are evil creatures always ugly? Really… can’t something be beautiful and evil? Wouldn’t it attract its prey/enemy more effectively if it weren’t’ totally nasty looking?
But I digress…
So, I was talking to my husband one night and asked him how they talk about each other if they don’t have names. (Yes, this is what we talk about sometimes when we have free time. Sad and pathetic. I know. Don’t tell anyone, ok?) He reminds me that their race has telepathic abilities and that is how they communicate. Yes, I said. That’s how they talk directly. What if they want to talk ABOUT another one? And he says… (Yeah… wait for it…) What if they all just think the same thing and distinguishing them from each other isn’t relevant? Hmmm….
Is that even possible? Think about it. A race that extensive with no intellectual or personal diversity. And this race is HUGE. Actually, their size is important because it plays a significant role in how hard they are to kill off. No matter how many of them the humans kill, there’s always more on the attack.
So, I return to my question. Is it possible to have a group of anything with no significant diversity within? Doesn’t everything living have an identity?
When I got married, actually before I even met my husband, the idea of changing my name sort of itched at me. Even before I thought about marriage for myself, I looked a people saying “I DO” and all of a sudden being a new name, a new person. Sort of freaked me out, to be totally honest. I had an ex-boyfriend who made the mistake of loosely assuming I would change my name. I didn’t appreciate it much. This assumption was one of many in a large package that raised a red flag on our compatibility.
When my husband I got engaged, we talked about it. Ultimately, I did change my name because, after a good discussion and much thought on my part, I didn’t object and it mattered to him. He really felt, in his heart of hearts, that a family has one name. I can respect that. In my experience, the one who is mild in their opinion should yield to the one who is passionate, assuming the yielding averages out in the long run. My professional status and reputation wasn’t hugely tied to my name, so that wasn’t a concern. He would have loved and married me, regardless of my decision on that matter.
Interestingly, I like having his last name as mine. Not only is it easier to spell, but it connects me to him in a way that I can’t really justify. We are a pair. Don’t mess with us; you’ll get twice the trouble back! And when it comes to keeping our differences to us, we’re pretty good. We don’t disagree in front of the kids or the grandparents. If we want to question, we do it in private. For the rest of the world, we are a solid pair. It works much better that way. And I have the same name as my kids, which I like. I think he was right. For us, it’s nice that one family has one name.
Our kids are now learning their names, which I find adorable. If you ask them what their names are, my son answers his real name. My daughter, however, answers in the nickname that has been given to her by my son. He can’t say her real name and has come up with an adorable nickname. She loves it, probably equally because we have started calling her that nickname as well, and we say it with love and affection.
What I really love, though, is the pride in their voices when they say their names. It’s like saying their name is really saying so much more. It’s saying “I’m valuable”, “I’m smart” and “I’m worth your time”. It’s announcing to the world that they are on their way and it better watch out, because they are going to rock it. When they say their names, they look the person right in the eyes and smile. It’s confidence. For them, there’s no distinction between their name and who they are in the core of their souls. Their true identity. They KNOW that it’s one big package, and that it’s a damn good package at that.
I’m not a religious person, but I pray that this confidence will fuel them as the go into the world that (while not cruel) is not always kind. I pray that this confidence will hold them solid when life knocks them down and that it will pick them up again to keep trying.
I’m not a softie on discipline, at least not by the standards of some that I know. I feel it is my responsibility to teach my kids to be ready for success, to be ready to work, to be ready to accept help when they need it and to be ready to not accept less than their best from themselves. To be strong enough to face their world with strength, wisdom, and optimism.
If I can do one thing as their mom, PLEASE let it be that. PLEASE.
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